When Will The Darkness End? - The Black Dog
Dear Blog Friends:
Many of you know by now that Merz has not been the most together person in quite awhile (just look at all my crazy theme posts for evidence). For starters, I have been unemployed for about a year now and trust me I have been trying hard to get employment. Since it has been difficult to find a job in my field, I have considered career changes. But no matter what they say, a career change is not an easy thing to do. First of all, jobs require some level of experience and how the hell do you have experience in a new field of work if you are trying to change your career. And trying to change careers from a high paying field to a lower paying field is not that easy to stomach either. Especially when you have bills and commitments based around what you previously made. If you do the math it just doesn't work.
And then there stands the bitter tears of a horrible divorce a few years back that quite literally set me a few years back. The hefty child support payment and with little access to my two beautiful girls who live in another state. I miss them so much it tears right through my heart everytime I think about them and how much we have lost not being together. And the ex-wife who could give a shit about me having a relationship with my daughters and in fact will do anything to sabotage it. The fact is I won't ever miss my child support payment because I take those things seriously. I have tapped into my small IRA (and was taxed + penalized at 40%) to pay my bills and child support. I am down to nothing now, tattered, battered and messed up.
And then there is the Black Dog. That fucker is ruthless and he runs around with steel teeth. Once he grabs a hold of you there ain't no letting go. That bastard will drag you down into his bottomless lair and keep you hostage no matter what you do. Yeah, the drugs help a little to soften the pain of his fucking steel teeth chomping on your ass all day but they are just not enough. And no matter how hard you try to shake him and think that you did, bam he reappears again wanting to take your soul with him.
So friends, I am not asking for pity or for you to feel sorry for me. I am just letting it out as it currently sits - the thought that maybe by writing this shit down I may feel some relief. I guess most of you will think I am one messed up dude and the fact is I am. I am not afraid to admit it. But all I can do is get up each day and try to face it, try to make it better. All I want is a normal life, a halfway decent job and a chance to spend time with my two children. I just want to be happy as best as anyone can be in this crazy world. So, thanks for listening and hopefully my words don't scare you away because I need you all in my life. Even if all I see is a hit on a hit counter, I know that you are there and are probably just here to download the massive amount of mp3s I post (attempt at humor)...
mp3 Black Dog
Led Zeppelin - IV
mp3 Darkness Comes
Summer Hymns - Backward Masks
mp3 Darkness
The Police - Ghost In The Machine
mp3 I See A Darkness
Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man
mp3 Heart Of Darkness
Pere Ubu - CBGB's and the Birth of US Punk
mp3 Mad Dog
Catherine Wheel - Wishville
mp3 More Heat Than Light
The Veils - The Runaway Found
mp3 Light From A Dead Star
Lush - Split
Many of you know by now that Merz has not been the most together person in quite awhile (just look at all my crazy theme posts for evidence). For starters, I have been unemployed for about a year now and trust me I have been trying hard to get employment. Since it has been difficult to find a job in my field, I have considered career changes. But no matter what they say, a career change is not an easy thing to do. First of all, jobs require some level of experience and how the hell do you have experience in a new field of work if you are trying to change your career. And trying to change careers from a high paying field to a lower paying field is not that easy to stomach either. Especially when you have bills and commitments based around what you previously made. If you do the math it just doesn't work.
And then there stands the bitter tears of a horrible divorce a few years back that quite literally set me a few years back. The hefty child support payment and with little access to my two beautiful girls who live in another state. I miss them so much it tears right through my heart everytime I think about them and how much we have lost not being together. And the ex-wife who could give a shit about me having a relationship with my daughters and in fact will do anything to sabotage it. The fact is I won't ever miss my child support payment because I take those things seriously. I have tapped into my small IRA (and was taxed + penalized at 40%) to pay my bills and child support. I am down to nothing now, tattered, battered and messed up.
And then there is the Black Dog. That fucker is ruthless and he runs around with steel teeth. Once he grabs a hold of you there ain't no letting go. That bastard will drag you down into his bottomless lair and keep you hostage no matter what you do. Yeah, the drugs help a little to soften the pain of his fucking steel teeth chomping on your ass all day but they are just not enough. And no matter how hard you try to shake him and think that you did, bam he reappears again wanting to take your soul with him.
So friends, I am not asking for pity or for you to feel sorry for me. I am just letting it out as it currently sits - the thought that maybe by writing this shit down I may feel some relief. I guess most of you will think I am one messed up dude and the fact is I am. I am not afraid to admit it. But all I can do is get up each day and try to face it, try to make it better. All I want is a normal life, a halfway decent job and a chance to spend time with my two children. I just want to be happy as best as anyone can be in this crazy world. So, thanks for listening and hopefully my words don't scare you away because I need you all in my life. Even if all I see is a hit on a hit counter, I know that you are there and are probably just here to download the massive amount of mp3s I post (attempt at humor)...
mp3 Black Dog
Led Zeppelin - IV
mp3 Darkness Comes
Summer Hymns - Backward Masks
mp3 Darkness
The Police - Ghost In The Machine
mp3 I See A Darkness
Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man
mp3 Heart Of Darkness
Pere Ubu - CBGB's and the Birth of US Punk
mp3 Mad Dog
Catherine Wheel - Wishville
mp3 More Heat Than Light
The Veils - The Runaway Found
mp3 Light From A Dead Star
Lush - Split
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Labels: indie pop, indie rock, mixtape, mp3
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