Fourth Of July

Well, hello there! Today is Independence day for the U.S.A. and it is a hot, steamy one down here in the Florida peninsula. Most folks are celebrating the day outside - having barbeques, drinking lots of beer, shooting off fireworks and enjoying the surf and sun. Regarding myself, I am just hanging out hiding behind the computer screen as usual. No real plans to do anything special. I may go out tonite to watch the fireworks over the intracostal waterway but not sure yet if I will. So, it's just another day for me to struggle and muddle through.

If you've had your head stuck in the sand and don't know much about this U.S. holiday then go here, here, and here. Enjoy the holiday and be safe!


mp3 Fourth Of July

Galaxie 500 - Galaxie 500: The Portable Galaxie 500


mp3 The Fourth Of July

The Incredible Moses Leroy - Become The Soft.Lightes


mp3 4th Of July

Luna - Live


mp3 Independence Day

Vic Chesnutt - Little


mp3 America

M83 - Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts


mp3 Living In America

The Sounds - Living In America

The Letter

It came a few weeks ago in the mail. It was surrounded by all the other mail - bills and junk. The hand writing on it was luminous and spoke of past haunts. The return address was left blank, signifying a need for no reply. I've looked at it over and over again. Trying to rationalize it in my mind. But, I just can't. And I can't get myself to do the act of opening it. There are words inside, I am sure, that will not be easy to take.

It's sitting beside me right now as I pen these words. It glows in its stark contrast to everything around it. It beckons me to tear it open and to read what is inside. But, I keep resisting, keep pushing it away from my view. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to face what is written inside. I don't want any part of it because it scares me. I know there will be things in it that I will have to face, have to deal with. And, I don't have the strength to handle that. I don't have the desire to face the reality of what it holds inside. Yeah, it's just paper and words but it's a lot more than that to me.

So, I sit staring at it and watching it turn from white to brown. There is no way I can get myself to do it. It's better off thrown in the trash. To be forgotten forever. The words will hurt and I don't need that now. The pain that it will bring, in reading it, is way too much for me to bear. It will never be opened and probably will never be thrown away. But, it will always be there as a constant reminder of things untold, of hurt, of pain, of sorrow and of regret. A letter holding too closely to the past, to things that need to be forgotten. A letter I will never open to read.


mp3 The Letter

Black Heart Procession - The Spell


mp3 Tear Stained Letter

Johnny Cash - American IV: The Man Comes Around


mp3 Unopened Letter To The World

The Ataris - So Long, Astoria


mp3 A Letter From Home

Ulrich Schnauss - A Strangely Isolated Place


mp3 Love Letter

Mekons - I Love Mekons


mp3 Have You Forgotten

Red House Painters - Vanilla Sky (Soundtrack)

Summer Rain

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During the summer, down here on the Florida East Coast, we typically get a brief rain shower in the late afternoon. I don't know all the reasons why it happens that way but it usually does. Lately, we have been getting a lot of storms, more than usual. It may be odd to say but I like these summer rain showers. There is something cleansing about these storms and the rain. And there is also something beautiful when it is mixed with thunder and lightning. I know that may sound weird to some but I love it when a good summer storm comes through. It puts me a relaxed mood, hearing the lovely patter of rain coming down. I guess it is the recluse in me, listening to the storm and just chilling out alone with my thoughts.

And after the rain comes through, everything outside seems so fresh and clean. It's mother nature's way of cleaning out the air and feeding the plants, trees and grass. It is a cycle that I welcome and feel right about. It speaks of renewal and refreshing the planet. I thank God for the rain, the storms and the regeneration that they bring to my world.

“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.” - Unknown

“Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain” - Unknown

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“In our lives there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun.” - Unknown

“I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain; What a wonderful feeling, I'm happy again.” - Arthur Freed

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” - G. K. Chesterton

“How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.” - William Faulkner


mp3 Life In Rain

Remy Zero - Villa Elaine


mp3 Lord Let It Rain On Me

Spiritualized - Amazing Grace


mp3 Lazy Rain

(Smog) - Rain On Lens


mp3 English Summer Rain

Placebo - Sleeping With Ghosts


mp3 Come Another Rain Down

Brightblack Morning Light - Brightback Morning Light


mp3 After The Rain Has Fallen

Sting - Brand New Day

Make It

Not one of my better posts. Not doing very well today and just trying to MAKE it through the day, one step at a time. But it isn't easy. All I can do is try and try again. Will I ever really make it? I am not sure but all I know is I can't stop trying.....


You can make it

That's what they all say

The road is littered with obstacles

The path is narrow and winding

You struggle through the maze

You struggle through the haze

There is darkness all around you

Except for that small, fading light at the end

You crawl towards it, knowing that it holds the answer

But it keeps moving further and further away from your grasp

You reach out for it, try to hold onto something

You are bloody, bruised and tired

But you can't stop now, you keep going

Keep pushing, Keep pushing

You can make it, you can make it

The goal is the light at the end

The goal is making it, in the end

You can make it, you can make it


mp3 Make It

Campfire Girls - Tell Them Hi


mp3 Make Me Shine

Echo & The Bunnymen - Flowers


mp3 Life's What You Make It

Talk Talk - The Colour Of Spring


mp3 Make Your Move

Delgados - The Great Eastern


mp3 Whatever Makes You Happy

Powderfinger - Odyssey Number Five


mp3 Not Enough To Make You Happy

54-40 - Goodbye Flatland

Popular

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Yeah, I always wanted to be one of the popular ones. Always wanted to fit into the crowd. It was something I longed for but could never achieve. Growing up I was a loner and to this day I am still a loner. I don't possess the necessary skills to fit into the popular crowd. I am not witty, not very social, don't have a lot of friends and lack the 'talents' needed to really fit into the world. I am a kind, compassionate and gentle person by nature but I lack the 'outgoing' part needed to be someone popular.

I truly envy the people out there who are in the popular crowd. The ones who always have all the wit and always say the right thing. There are a lot of cliques in this world and I have never fitted into them. It's just not me. In fact, I subconsciously do my best to avoid them. Well, not entirely. I do somewhat enjoy the social networking things like Twitter and Facebook. They allow me to at least get somewhat involved. But, the fact is they are easier to handle since I can hide behind the comfort of my computer screen. However, the sad part about these social tools is they are also filled with all kinds of cliques. And, a lot of the time I feel like I am not a part of them. That I am on the outside looking in. Spying on other peoples lives and hiding in my shell.

I don't think this popular thing is ever going to change for me. I am older now and set in my ways. So, I learn to co-exist the best that I can. I push myself to engage via things like Twitter and Facebook. And, I push myself to engage with the world itself. It's not fun being on the outside looking in but it is now a fact of my life. I just wish that one day I truly would be a part of something and recognized as being part of the crowd. It's only a wish though. One that I doubt will ever come true in my lifetime.


mp3 Popular

Nada Surf - High/Low


mp3 Hoist Up The Popular Ones

Centro-Matic - Redo The Stacks


mp3 Hanging Crowds

Finlay - The Fall Of Mary


mp3 I'm In With The Out Crowd

The Jesus & Mary Chain - Come On


mp3 The Loner

Neil Young - Decade


mp3 Inside Outside

Warlocks - Phoenix

Summer Mix - Part II

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I grew up in the beautiful state of New Hampshire. My memories of growing up there are some of the best memories that I have of my life. Summer time was the best by far. Every year, after school was done, we would pack it up and head for our summer cottage on Lake Winnipesaukee. These were days filled with wonder and fun. We had a wonderful cottage, a boat and the fantastic surroundings of the White Mountains. Our days were filled with water skiing, fishing, swimming and enjoying the awesome New Hampshire summer weather. Our cottage was on the beautiful Meredith Bay, nestled among the mountains. It was spectacular scenery and a beauty to behold.

I remember many things - the day I caught my first Bass fishing, the day I slalom water skiied, hiking through the hills behind our cottage, having cookouts by the water, 4th of July with the fireworks over the lake and many, many other stellar memories. These memories of summer on the lake will always be with me until the day I die. I long to go back there and spend some time revisiting the places I enjoyed so much.

I am so thankful to my parents for providing these experiences for me during summertime. Everyday was truly a unique and fun filled time. There are a lot of beautiful places in the world but to me Lake Winnipesaukee will always be the #1 place in my heart. And summer will always be my favorite season because of this.


mp3 Endless Summer

Zwan - Mary Star Of The Sea


mp3 Someone Somewhere In The Summertime

Simple Minds - Glittering Prize


mp3 Summer Gold

Eaves - The Eaves


mp3 Rock The Lake

Radar Brothers - And The Surrounding Mountains


mp3 Sun On Water

Justin Sullivan - Navigating By The Stars


mp3 Rock My Boat (Ft. Mia Doi Todd)

Dntel - Dumb Luck

Summer Mix - Part I

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Well, needless to say, summer is probably my most favorite season of the year. Down here in Florida it is hard sometimes to distinguish seasonal changes. Although, at times we do get some pretty chilly weather. But, for the most part it is usually sunny and warm. However, summer down here is downright hot and humid. I have a hard time getting out these days even though I live only a half mile from the beach. I just can't get myself out - severe agoraphobia. Plus, the fact that I've gained a lot of weight these days and don't look too appealing in a bathing suit. ;-(

I am working on a more proper full length summer mix with some new tunes included. Hopefully, I can get that done soon so I can share it with you. Stay tuned and enjoy your summer!


“Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.” - Ada Louise Huxtable

“Summer afternoon, summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language” - Henry James

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time” - John Lubbock

“Warm summer sun, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, lie light. Good night, dear Heart, Good night, good night.” - Mark Twain


mp3 Summer

The Church - Forget Yourself


mp3 Summersong

The Decemberists - The Crane Wife


mp3 Beach Party Tonight

Yo La Tengo - Summer Sun


mp3 Sun

Burning Spear - Dry & Heavy


mp3 Heat Walks Against Me

Seafood - As The Cry Flows


mp3 On Some Faraway Beach

Brian Eno - Here Come The Warm Jets

You Never Really Wanted Me There

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You never really wanted me there. I tried, so hard, I wanted to be there with you. But, I just couldn't do it. And you went on your merry way, doing what you do best. You are a socialite, a debutante - someone who has a ton of friends. You are not a lonely person. I really needed you too. But, you didn't care whether I showed up or not. You had too many other distractions, too many other people to be with. There was never any concern from you about my state of affairs, my state of mind. You just skim the surface, always trying to be in the spotlight. Me, I am not that way. I am an introvert, closed into myself. I just can't be you, that is the problem. And you want me to be you. I can't be who you think I should be. And, I am too old now to change. I am not at peace with myself and I think deep down inside you knew that. And you took advantage of that to make me feel guilty and hurt.

You can have your life and all your wonderful friends. I don't want any part of it anymore. If you really cared, you would be there when I needed you the most. But, you weren't. You were off galavanting with your social circle, oblivious to me and my needs. I don't care about you anymore. I would rather be alone than to have to face another day of your false life. The time we spent together will only be a memory now. And, not a cherished memory at that. Rather, a memory I want to forget as quickly as it comes to my mind. So, take your fancy life, your circle of friends and your wants somewhere else. I don't need this shit anymore. Goodbye, you won't be missed.

mp3 Goodbye

Asobi Seksu - Citrus


mp3 Goodbye To All That

Her Next Friend - Disaster Casual


mp3 I Need To Say Goodbye

Vast - Nude


mp3 Say Goodbye

Ivy - Guestroom


mp3 Song For Saying Goodbye

Sunbear - Sunbear


mp3 She Brings Me Only Sorrow

Rubyhorse - Goodbye To All That

Weird/Strange/Funny Song Titles - Part II

Well, I figured I would do another post on these wacky song titles. Don't get me wrong, the music is good, I just find that these song titles fall in the weird, strange or funny category.


Of Montreal, to me, have always been kind of weird. I like their music but they just strike me as strange. And the title to this one makes no sense at all. It's just weird...

mp3 Wraith Pinned To The Mist And Other Games

Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins


This one falls into the funny category. Better keep eating Chinese food I guess...

mp3 Without MSG I Am Nothing

McLusky - The Difference Between You And Me Is That I'm Not On Fire


What the hell is a Tiplet? This one makes no sense at all. Strange...

mp3 Tiplet Metal Plate

Mouse On Mars - Glam


Not only are the band name and album title odd but also the track title is definitely weird.


mp3 This Geometric Is Written Is

S Prcss - Mnml


This is a classic, great album but what the hell is a silverfuck?

mp3 Silverfuck

Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream


Shouldn't this be Motel Bed In My Room?

mp3 Motel Room In My Bed

X - Under The Big Black Sun

Weird/Strange/Funny Song Titles - Part I

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Seeing a comment a reader left regarding a post I did a long while ago about song titles using acronyms, I thought it might be fun to do a similar/related post about songs with weird, strange, or funny titles. I'm at full max storage space on my harddrives and have a ton of songs to pick from. And I decided to call this Part I because there are plenty to choose from and couldn't possibly get them all up in one shot.

It does make you wonder sometimes where these song titles come from. Sure, I guess, they are related to what the song is about but some of them are just strange. As you know, I love doing theme related posts so this seemed like a likely candidate that I have not done before. To me these are strange, weird, or funny song titles but maybe you may not agree? So, as usual, let me know in the comments section and also tell me ones that you may know about.


The Fall by far have some of the strangest song titles I've run across. I tried looking up this word in the dictionary but it doesn't exist. What the hell is Boxoctosis?

mp3 Boxoctosis

The Fall - The Real New Fall LP (Formerly "Country On The Click")


I don't know is this in a different language? Definitely falls into the strange category.

mp3 Erehwonmorferaew

Dance Disaster Movement - We Are From Nowhere


Who else but the Beastie Boys would come up with a song title like this. Pretty funny!

mp3 Hey Fuck You

The Beastie Boys - To The 5 Boroughs


Stereolab is another one that I've noticed have some strange song titles. What the hell is a Lo Boob Oscillator?

mp3 Lo Boob Oscillator

Stereolab - High Fidelity


This one is just weird. But it is a decent tune nonetheless.

mp3 When Mama Was Moth

Cocteau Twins - Head Over Heels


This one just strikes me as funny. I kind of like the idea of a golden ass though. ;-)

mp3 Your Golden Ass

Califone - Quicksand/Cradlesnakes

Shoegaze Classics - Revisited

Well, before I get all ahead of myself in posting up some new Shoegaze sounds, we need to revisit some of the classic sounds of the genre. Here is some background on the genre:

There are many descriptions these days for the music genre called Shoegaze. As the story goes "The name was coined by the New Musical Express, noting the tendency of the bands' guitarists to stare at their feet (or their effects pedals), seemingly deep in concentration, while playing. Some fans will argue another story, that shoegazing music was originally made with the intention of being listened to while taking heroin,[citation needed] and that the name refers to a passage from the book Naked Lunch. Melody Maker preferred the more staid term The Scene That Celebrates Itself, referring to the habit which the bands had of attending gigs of other shoegazing bands, often in Camden. The key record labels associated with the genre were Creation Records (My Bloody Valentine, Ride, Slowdive) and 4AD". Read the Wiki page for more information about Shoegazing here.

A more common attribute of Shoegaze is a sound full of winding, interweaving distorted guitars (usually two) creating a unique droning sound (distortion is good when done right). Shoegaze vocals by definition are usually 'subdued' gently hovering over the drone. There is melody intact but at times requires a thorough listen to follow its purpose.

For me Shoegaze is an introspective dreamy music, a background soundscape to life. There is a certain calming effect I achieve when listening to Shoegaze - droning guitars are my friend. The element of female vocals in early Shoegaze is an attribute that I really love - ref. Lush, MBV etc..

So, if you aren't very familiar with this genre of music, then these tracks will give you a good exposure to the 'roots' of Shoegazing. These bands represent the cornerstone of the genre and are references for all the new bands today who are incorporating the Shoegaze sound in their music. This is not by any stretch a comprehensive exposure to the genre since there are many other bands that fall into the Shoegaze masters category. But, it is a decent bite of what the genre represents. Enjoy!


mp3 Alison

Slowdive - Souvlaki


mp3 Blue

The Verve - A Storm In Heaven


mp3 Black Metallic

Catherine Wheel - Ferment


mp3 Feed Me With Your Kiss

My Bloody Valentine - Isn't Anything


mp3 Duel

Swervedriver - Mezcal Head


mp3 For Love

Lush - Spooky


mp3 Leave Them All Behind

Ride - Going Blank Again


mp3 Mesmerise

Chapterhouse - Mesmerise


mp3 Lazarus

The Boo Radleys - Kris Needs Remix

Mental Block

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Dearest Readers,

I am suffering from a mental block these days. There sitting beside me is a stack of CD's - all new music. But for some strange reason, I can't get myself engaged with them to write about them. Part of the problem is I am still playing catch-up from the period that this blog was dormant (half of '07 and all of '08). There are so many excellent albums that I missed during that time period and quite frankly I don't know where to start. Do I just ignore what I missed during that year and a half? It's not an easy problem to solve. The other fact is I have so many problems these days and it helps to write about them. It is sort of a mental catharsis, so to speak. So, my brain gets scattered in a sense and I form a mental block on what to write and post about.

However, after much thought (and I know I've said this before), there will be some changes (hopefully for the good) around here soon. I am going to start posting some new album reviews, some new Shoegaze sounds (FINALLY), and some new music mixes. Ah, all I ask from you is to please bear with me in my quest to get my head straightened out and release this mental block. Please stay tuned in, loyal readers. I will be posting more frequently during the day and will be bringing fresh content to these blog pages. So, don't despair or lose faith in me - I will come through. Stay with me please, I'll be back to my old self in short order. Thanks for tuning in and bearing with me!


mp3 Block

The Church - Uninvited, Like The Clouds


mp3 Up Against The Wall

Peter Bjorn And John - Writer's Block


mp3 Half Block From A Dream

Evan Duby - Bridge & Tunnel EP


mp3 Break It Down Again

Tears For Fears - Elemental


mp3 A Change Is Gonna Come

Swervedriver - Mezcal Head


mp3 Things Are Gonna Change (The Morning After)

Ray Davies - Other People's Lives

Father's Day - Post #500

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Well, it turns out that today is Father's Day and this is post #500! Not too shabby for missing a year and a half of blogging...

My father was a hard working, quiet/reserved man. He was an Electrical Engineer by trade and was very successful in his career. To be honest, growing up I did not see a lot of my father. He worked hard during the week to provide for his family of four children and our time with him was delegated to evenings and weekends. But, he was a good man who cared deeply for his family and did his best to ensure that we had a good life.

I didn't really get to know my Father until I was seventeen years old. He took a new job in Florida which required a relocation from New Hampshire. Since, I was the youngest of the four siblings, I went with him to finish my last year of High School in Florida. It was just me and Dad for about six months. He dug into his new job and I dug into finishing my last year of high school. And, the rest of the time we spent together. I learned a lot from my Father during that six months and will never forget the good times we had together. Our relationship grew through the subsequent years and during that time I learned a lot about life from him. He was a strong man - quite, patient, self reserved and very humble. And he stood by my side during those turbulent teenage years. I am so thankful that I got that time to really know my Father.

Besides having a good career in Engineering, my Father was a WWII veteran and was part of D-Day. Physically, he suffered from a serious heart condition most of his adult life. He had, over the years, a couple heart attacks that severely limited his health and well being. But he persevered through these health problems as best as he could. He was a strong man and did his best in spite of his illness.

On September 15, 1986 my Father had a major heart attack and died. He was 65 years old. I was in Orlando at the time finishing my third year of college when he passed. I spoke to him that morning before he passed and he said "I Love You" during our phone conversation. Saying those three words to me was the last memory I have of my Father. And I thank God that he said those words to me, something he didn't always do. I Love You too Dad, you will always hold a special place in my heart and I miss you very much. Happy Father's Day to a wonderful man!


mp3 Father's Day

Area - White Canvas New Hope


mp3 Father

Annuals - Be He Me


mp3 Father To Son

The Alarm - Strength


mp3 My Father

This Mortal Coil - Filigree & Shadow


mp3 Song For My Father

Brett Anderson - Brett Anderson


mp3 Voice Of The Father

Gene - Drawn To The Deep End

Many Miles Of Infinite Hard Road

Many Miles of infinite hard road ahead of me. The road is full of obstacles and potholes. Don't know if I can navigate through it. The forest reaches out on both sides. But I can't see through the trees. I'm locked in, tied down, the only way to go is forward. I feel blocked and trapped. Everything closes in on me, I can only see the yellow line on the road now. And it seems to stretch to infinity. There is no end to it at all. I am a finite entity on a road that is infinite. The end goal is nowhere in sight. I tremble and shake from the fear of it all. I am blinded to the obstacles and potholes. I can't avoid them, I try, but I just can't. I will never make it now. I have slowed way down but the road appears to be moving in front of me faster and faster. Everything is a blur now. I'm holding on for dear life. I need something but don't know what it is. I am completely alone on this infinite road. Moving inch by inch, while everything else moves at lightning speed. Don't know if I can make it. Don't know if it is real or not. No one around me, nothing to see. Just many miles of infinite hard road ahead of me...


mp3 So Many Miles

Viva Voce - Get Yr Blood Sucked Out


mp3 Miles And Miles

Folksongs For The Afterlife - Put Danger Back In Your Life


mp3 Steps Into Miles

Hayden - Skyscraper National Park


mp3 A Million Miles Away

The Plimsouls - Everywhere At Once


mp3 Miles End

Gomez - In Our Gun


mp3 Miles Away

The Sleepy Jackson - Personality

Emotions - Guilt

I have all kinds of emotions these days, so many I can't even count them all. You could say, my life is an emotional mess. Out of all these emotions, I think that guilt is the strongest one. It's like guilt is the spark that starts the fire of all the other emotions I feel. I would list all the things that I feel guilty about but I won't because it would be a great long list.

They say guilt is a useless emotion. But, I tend to disagree with that. I think guilt has a proper place to play in our lives. It is a reminder of things that one has done wrong and should not repeat again. It helps one not to make the same mistake over again. However, my opinion on guilt is not in line with what most psychologists say about the subject.

I don't think I will ever get rid of my guilty feelings. I think that they will stay with me for however long I live. And, I need to accept that and be comfortable with it. Without these guilty feelings, I would not be able to examine my faults and mistakes. I would not know wrong from right. Sure, at times, there is "false" guilt but the majority of the time it is "true" guilt. And like all emotions, it has a proper role to play in your life. For now, I will learn to embrace this emotion, learn from it and use it to help me move on to better things.

Emotions are a tricky bit and guilt is by far the most difficult one to understand. It is tied into our memories, our past, and our everyday existence. A person without guilt is a person without a soul, a person who doesn't care. When I find myself feeling guilty about something, I immediately know that I have done something wrong. This emotion keeps me vigilant and aware of the consequences of my actions. Without it I would not feel things, I would just be an empty person. Guilt is here to stay and I welcome it with open arms.


mp3 Guilt

Chapterhouse - Whirlpool


mp3 Comfort/Guilt

Early Day Miners - All Harm Ends Here


mp3 Guilt Is A Useless Emotion (Mac Quayle Vocal Mix)

New Order - Waiting For The Sirens' Call


mp3 Guiltiness

Bob Marley & The Wailers - Exodus


mp3 No Emotion (Cucumber Mix)

Idlewild - No Emotion - EP


mp3 Show Me Some Emotion

Hoodoo Gurus - Mars Needs Guitars!

Control

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I think a lot. Maybe too much. But that is just how my mind is geared. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about this thing called control. Basically, it seems to me, that my whole life is just out of control. Or another way of putting it is - I have no control over things in my life. Sure, people say, worry about the things you can control and don't worry about the things you can't control. Yeah, that would be nice but I can't seem to adopt that philosophy. And, the fact is it seems that the majority of things happening in my life, I have no control over them. I can't control what my ex-wife does and how she is raising my two children. I can't control what others think about me. I can't control my illness rather it controls me. I can't control most things really. And maybe that is part of why I am so despondent and depressed these days. No control equals worry, fear, anxiety, and depression.

I took my car to the shop this morning because I needed an oil change. I thought I was going to get out of there with just a twenty dollar bill. But, I was told that my transmission was leaking. Now we are talking about a few hundred dollars instead of just twenty. And that is just another example of control. I have to trust that the shop is being honest with me and they are the ones who control the situation. Not me. There are multitudes of examples like this, in my life, that demonstrate my lack of control. It's a never ending cycle and I obsess over these things that I cannot affect or change.

However, there is one thing I do have control over and that is my blog. Thank God for that. That is why I like blogging so much. Because I can control what I write, what music I post, the design of the blog etc.. I just wish I had more stability in my life. I wish it wasn't all messed up. And I wish that I had control over the big things in my life that determine who and what I am. The fact is I don't (and probably never will) have control over these things. So, I must learn to put these things away, don't worry about them and concentrate on the things I can affect. This is not an easy lesson to learn. And it will take a lot of effort and willpower. But, I have no choice in the matter. The outcome is clear and so are the consequences.


mp3 Out Of Control

Super Furry Animals - Phantom Power


mp3 Never Had Control

Mur - Mur


mp3 Lose Control

Ash - 1977


mp3 Take Control

Weezer - Maladroit


mp3 Little Argument With Myself


Low - Trust


mp3 Change My Life

Spoon - Love Ways (EP)

Social Networking Ramblings

I know I've written a little about this before but indulge me here again. I have just lately become immersed in this whole social networking thing. I'm on MySpace here, last.fm here, Twitter here, Facebook here, StumbleUpon here, Digg here, and Delicious here. Wow, that is insane. I really don't know if I will be able to keep up with all of these tools. I wish there was just one central social networking site that incorporated the best features from all of these sites. Facebook is probably the one that comes close to doing that. These tools are excellent though. They really do enable the user to connect with others via the internet. And then of course there is this blog which is also another social networking tool in its own way. It is definitely going to be a challenge to keep up with all these tools but I am going to give it my best.

So, if you haven't already, then now is the time to join up with these tools. Get connected! You can find me anywhere just by searching for merzmars. That is the main userid I use. Stumble me, Digg me, Delicious me, ah just do me ;-). So, won't you please join me in some social networking fun? I look forward to meeting you here, there and everywhere!


mp3 Not That Social

The Von Bondies - Pawn Shoppe Heart


mp3 Heartbreak For Socialites

Slow Jets - Good Morning, Stars


mp3 Following Through

Dismemberment Plan - Change


mp3 Crashing The Same Scene

The Departure - Be My Enemy


mp3 Get On It

The Charlatans UK - Tellin' Stories

Random Dreams?

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Maybe it's my state of mind these days, I really don't know. I sleep a lot and I have been having some real weird dreams. They are filled with people and places that I am not familiar with. It's like I am dreaming another life, if you know what I mean. And they are filled with strange situations and odd happenings. The other night I even had a dream where I was flying - now what the hell does that mean? For the most part, I can remember most of them pretty well but some of them I can only recall vague images. I think I might start writing them down in a journal so I don't forget them.

All I know is my mind is extremely locked up and confused these days. I am sure that these dreams are related to my depression and anxieties. I think it is my mind working out all the problems I have. They have got to have some significance and meaning. I can't believe that they are just random dreams. That's why a dream journal would be a good thing to do. And who knows, maybe I can get someone to interpret them for me. It might help reveal the subconscious things that are behind all my problems.

The mind is an incredible organ in our body and is so complex. Even today, with the advances in the medical field, the mind is still not fully understood. Hopefully, one day it will be. For now, all I can do is hope that I will get on the right meds to help me win the battle with my depression and anxiety. And, there is always the possibility of having ECT. But for now, I want to stick with the meds side of things. And who knows, maybe interpreting my dreams will give me better insight into the things that are haunting me.


mp3 Dave's Dream

The Czars - Before...But Longer


mp3 The Dream

The Cure - Japanese Whispers


mp3 Trouble With Dreams

Eels - Blinking Lights And Other Revelations


mp3 Bad Dreams

Bellvue - To Be Somebody


mp3 Dream

Doug Martsch - Doug Martsch


mp3 Dream Bliss

Tearwave - Tearwave

It's Not Easy

It's not easy, living this life

It's not easy, living in isolation

It's not easy, having no one to hold at night

It's not easy, fighting the despair and strife

It's not easy, watching the world spin by you

It's not easy, being disabled with no job

It's not easy, seeing all the hurt in the world

It's not easy, wanting but not getting something new

It's not easy, feeling the way I do

It's not easy, waking up to face the day

It's not easy, having no real life

It's not easy, fighting the demons that haunt my way

It's not easy, writing these words

It's not easy, it's just not easy


mp3 Easy

The Church - Uninvited, Like The Clouds


mp3 It Could Be Easy

House Of Fools - Live And Learn


mp3 My Life Ain't Easy

The Plimsouls - Everywhere At Once


mp3 Nothing Comes Easy

Dub Syndicate - No Bed Of Roses


mp3 Something Easy

New Wet Kojak - This Is The Glamourous


mp3 Easy Way Out

Elliott Smith - Figure 8

The Speed Of It All

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I don't know, maybe it's just me but it seems to me that things move at such a rapid speed these days that I can't keep up. Everything is instant and moves so quickly. The days fly by in a blur and it just astounds me how time passes so quickly. I can't believe it is summer already for God's sake.

And we have everything available, ready at our fingertips. The social networking tools we have are just incredible. There's MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, email and tools like StumbleUpon and Digg. And BTW, I am subscribed to all of these now. I will put up links on the site soon so that you can connect to me on these various social networking tools. It's funny though, because I find myself getting lost in these tools and spending a lot of time with them. They are fun to use and it is easy to get sidetracked by them. But, the fact is they keep me connected with the world and my cyber friends.

I remember the days when we didn't have computers or internet social networking. And the funny thing about that is we still communicated somehow. Things got done but maybe at a slower pace than now. Things like writing letters are a part of the past now. Why write a letter when you can email someone or network with them using any of these new tools? The problem is, it seems to me, that we have lost that one on one, face to face contact. Instead, we can hide behind the wall of the computer and communicate all day long.

I guess part of me wants things to just slow down a little bit, pull back on the speed of things. But, quite frankly, I would be lost without having these tools available to me. The fact is I need to get out more, maybe I spend too much time behind the computer? I don't know - it is comforting to me having a hobby like blogging to keep my mind off myself. So, there, I am torn between the old and the new. Confused as always - ;-).

I just wish things would slow down a little bit, throttle the speed back some. I am always playing catch-up with emails and am very bad at responding to some of them. I guess I need to partition my time better between all these tools, so I can manage them better. Maybe then I can better cope with the speed of it all....


mp3 High Speed

Coldplay - Parachutes


mp3 Keep Up The Speed

Sahara Hotnights - Jennie Bomb


mp3 Meditations On Speed

Lilys - Precollection


mp3 The Speed Of Dreams

Cobra Verde - Easy Listening


mp3 Speed Of Life

David Bowie - Low


mp3 Speed Of Light

The Cult - Beyond Good And Evil

Free

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I want to be free

Free from these chains of life

Free from the bondage that surrounds me

Free from anxiety, fear and depression

Free to live my life in peace

Free from the worries of the world

Free from all that is bad

Free to enjoy all that is good

Free to see things as they really are

Free to experience true love

Free to experience happiness and joy

Free to be me

Yes, I want to be FREE


mp3 Free

Cat Power - You Are Free


mp3 Finally Free

Clearlake - Amber


mp3 Find Our Way To Freedom

The Dears - Gang Of Losers


mp3 Free Until They Cut Me Down

Iron & Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days


mp3 Only Love Can Set You Free

American Music Club - Love Songs For Patriots


mp3 Live Free

Son Volt - Trace

Struggle/Battle/Survival

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Battle worn and tired

Struggle to make it through each day

Fighting the demons that engulf my presence

Wondering when it will all come to an end

Sleep the day away to hide from the anxiety and depression

Struggle to see my way clear

Battle the thoughts that plague my mind

Looking contantly for that light of hope

But all I see is darkness

The light is not there

There has to be a way out of all of this

But I can't see it or feel it

So, I continue on battling the demons

Battling the thoughts

Just trying to survive another day


mp3 Battleworn

Dappled Cities - Granddance


mp3 Running Battle

Kasabian - Kasabian


mp3 Struggle

Wall Of Voodoo - The Index Masters


mp3 I Will Survive

Art Brut - It's A Bit Complicated


mp3 Survivalism

Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero


mp3 Living Dead

Singapore Sling - Life Is Killing My Rock 'n' Roll

I'm Still Trying To Stand Upright

Dear Readers,

I've been out of touch for a little while due to the fact that I was in the hospital for two weeks. It's not easy to talk about since it wasn't my own decision. Things just spiraled out of control and that's where I ended up. Sharing a hospital room with a bipolar, schizophrenic who talked all night to the voices in his head and a crack addict going through withdrawal; was not the most pleasant of experiences. It was a horrible place and really did me no good. In fact, I think it has set me back some. But I'm here, trying to stand upright and make it through each and every day as best as I can. Thanks to all who left comments, emailed me, or called me - I'm sorry if I didn't answer. It hasn't been easy and besides the horrible depression and anxiety, I am still recovering from that nasty hospital stay.

So, please stay tuned. Normal programming will commence from here on forward.


mp3 Fear Of Standing Upright

The Hourly Radio - History Will Never Hold Me


mp3 Patiently Standing

Centro-Matic - Distance And Clime


mp3 Hospital

Earlimart - Everyone Down Here


mp3 Heading For A Breakdown

The Soundtrack Of Our Lives - Origin Vol. 1


mp3 After The Fall

The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Spacegirl And Other Favorites

The Words Aren't Coming

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The words are just not there

Elusive, hidden behind a wall of doubt

Uncertainty, lingers in the air

Thoughts come but nothing follows

A blank piece of paper waiting to be filled

An unused pen waiting to be drawn

Focus, focus, focus

But nothing comes out

There is nothing to say

But what has already been said

Nothing to be seen

But what has already been shown

Nothing but a vast array of thoughts

With no real words to put behind them

The vagueness, the stillness dominates

The words, they will come eventually

But for now

Focus, focus, focus



mp3 Vague Space

Stephen Malkmus - Stephen Malkmus


mp3 Your Life Is Vague

The Artificial Hearts - The Artificial Hearts


mp3 Still Life

Suede - Dog Man Star


mp3 The Uncertainty Of How Things Are

Dios - Dios


mp3 Words

Doves - The Last Broadcast


mp3 Focus

Pablo - Half The Time

Wasted Time

Do you ever feel that time is just wasted? Wasted in the sense that you will never be able to get it back. I've been sick the last few days with a bad flu bug (hope it isn't swine flu?) and have been in bed the whole time. And on top of that I have the severe depression that I cope with everyday. Being sick hasn't helped that problem at all. And now that I am doing a little better, I feel that the past few days have just been wasted. A bad memory, and something I cannot redo. There is no getting that time back, it is gone, wasted away. It seems that I have a lot of these wasted days and it bothers me. I want them back, I want to be able to do them over again. I guess all I can do is try to make each day better and try not to feel like I have wasted my life away.....


mp3 Wasted

Mazzy Star - So Tonight That I Might See


mp3 Wasted Time

Sneaky Feelings - Wasted Time Single


mp3 Back Against The Wall

Euphoria - Precious Time


mp3 A Drop In Time

Mercury Rev - All Is Dream


mp3 If You Know Time

Robyn Hitchcock - Spooked


mp3 Time Flies Tomorrow

Paul Westeberg - Eventually

Window To The World

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I look out the window

And all I see is the world spinning

Moving, speeding by my eyes

I am standing still watching, waiting

But nothing happens, a blank void

And then I see it, it can't escape me

My reflection gazes back at me

A reflection of nothingness, a hollow stare

And suddenly I realize, I see

That I am alone, naked to the world

It has passed me by and I can't get back on

It's spinning too fast, moving at light speed

And all I can do is stare and wait and hope

That it will slow down

That it will let me get back on

That I will see something else

Besides the hollow stare of me


mp3 Hollow

Mira - Apart


mp3 Window

The Album Leaf - In A Safe Place


mp3 Window Of My World

Guided By Voices - Half Smiles Of The Decomposed


mp3 Here For The World

I Am Kloot - I Am Kloot


mp3 Living In Another World (Single Version)

Talk Talk - The Very Best Of Talk Talk


mp3 The World Stops Turning

Ted Leo/Pharmacists - Living With The Living

Death

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Not many words to say on this one.... Death is the final fulfillment, the answer to the agony of life. Death is not to be feared, life is. Death is the deliverance from all the pain the world gives. Death is not the end, but is the beginning. Death does not destroy but instead renews. Death means the after life and has got to be better than this life.

"Death is the supreme festival on the road to freedom." - Dietrich Bohhoeffer

"A man is not completely born until he is dead." - Benjamin Franklin

"I hope the leaving is joyful; and I hope never to return." - Frida Kahlo

"Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not." - Epicurus

"Death is the gate of life." - St. Bernard of Clairvaux

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."-Winston Churchill


mp3 Death Is Certain

Iggy Pop - Beat Em Up


mp3 The Death

Fields - Everything Last Winter


mp3 Death Machine

Suicide - American Supreme


mp3 Deathly Little Dreams

The Autumns - The Autumns


mp3 Love And Death

The Waterboys - Dream Harder


mp3 When People Are Dead

The Go-Betweens - Oceans Apart (Live)

Hide

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Damn, I know I am fucked up. All I want to do these days is hide. Hide from life, hide from everything. It feels safer to me. And the weird thing is I feel the safest when I am hiding behind this computer screen. I can't go out to places and am afraid of interacting with people. It is even almost impossible for me to do simple errands like going to the grocery store. I have a severe case of Agoraphobia. And it is fueled by the depression and anxiety I labor with everyday. But, when it comes to the computer I have no problem interacting with other people. I guess, I just feel safer having the shield of the computer between me and life itself. Don't get me wrong, I love people but I just have this fear of interacting in real life with anyone. It's a horrible thing to do through and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

So far, the new meds are doing shit for me. All they are doing is making me tired. My counselor says I need to get out and be around people. But, I just can't do it. I would rather just stay behind this computer screen and interact with people that way. Maybe, all this will pass some day soon. Maybe, the meds will start working. Maybe I won't have to have ECT. But, for now I am going to hide. Hide from this thing called life. Hide behind the computer screen. Thank God for this blog and for my internet friends. And forgive me for hiding and if I don't always respond quickly to comments or emails. I want to interact with you, you mean a lot to me but it is hard sometimes even behind the safe shield of the computer. So, bear with me. And one of these fucking days, I will get my shit together and post some new music on this blog. And the other thing is I have been sitting on some new 'Shoegaze' sounds and will eventually get around to posting that. I have been sleeping a lot during the day and it effects what I do on this blog. For now, all I can do is 'pray' that things will improve and I will get the life I used to have back. A lot of hoping and praying but for now a lot of hiding...


mp3 Hide

Matthew Sweet - Time Capsule: The Best Of Matthew Sweet 1990-2000


mp3 Hide Away

Midnight Movies - Lion The Girl


mp3 Hide Me

Winterpills - The Light Divides


mp3 Hideaway

The Olivia Tremor Control - Black Foliage: Animation Music Vol. 1


mp3 I Would Rather Hide

Joseph Arthur - Redemption's Son


mp3 Tried To Hide

13th Floor Elevators - Psychedelic Sounds Of The 13th Floor Elevators

Dawn Of A New Day

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Got up this morning and saw the sun rise. Something I haven't done in literally years. The fact is I slept most of the day yesterday and couldn't do anything but get up early. The new Doc I am seeing has me on a trial of new meds. And the fucking things are making me extremely tired.

I wrote about this before in a post but may as well bring it up again. This depression/anxiety/PTSD thing is an illness not something imagined out of the mind. I have proof of this. I wrote before about a brain scan I had. Well, that brain scan showed areas of my brain that are basically 'overactive' and do not have normal blood flow. These areas are the ones that control depression, anxiety and the aforementioned PTSD. You see, it is truly a physiological thing. Not some kind of thing that I can just 'snap' out of. What really frustrates me is the large number of people out there who don't understand this. They think depression is just a 'mental' state and that there is no reason why people should suffer from it. It is just pure ignorance on their part. And they need to be educated.

Well, these new meds are supposed to target these 'problem' areas but unfortunately they have side effects associated with them. These are supposed to wear off after awhile but I have my doubts since my experience with meds has not been very good. I am classified as a 'medicine resistant' patient. In fact, one Doc I have seen for awhile thinks the only answer to my problems is ECT (modern day version of the electric shock treatment). Something, I am not very open to doing for many reasons. So, I am hoping these new meds will work. It's gonna be a long process, probably six months of tweaking these things before I get any real results. I need to be patient with the process, I guess.

Well, the new dawn this morning was beautiful to see. And it reminded me that I got to get started working on that list of 'things to do'. And one of them is get some new music posted on this blog. Which I have been working on the side. For right this moment, I got some tunes for the theme of the day. BTW, also got a new banner thanks to Mary (my goood friend) over at Zincink. Mary is quite the 'trip', she is always into something new and I can hardly keep up with her. Just wish she lived close to me so I could hang with her. I know it would be fun if I could. Thanks, Mary for the new banner. And I will have it up today. Stay tuned, more on the way....


mp3 A New Dawn

Daydream Nation - Bella Vendetta


mp3 Dawn

Brian Jonestown Massacre - Strung Out In Heaven


mp3 Dawn Chorus

Boards Of Canada - Geogaddi


mp3 The Approaching Dawn

Sorry About Dresden - Let It Rest


mp3 The Precience Of Dawn

The Weakerthans - Reconstruction Site


mp3 New Dawn Fades

Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures

Things To Do

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Finally got some sleep. Well, I guess I am still alive so probably should make the best of it....

Things To Do:

1. Start writing more album reviews and featuring more new music on this here blog

2. Do 'long overdue' Shoegaze Fetish post(s)

3. Design new banner for this here blog (commission Mary to do the real work)

4. Update my blogroll (a few deletions and a good number of additions)

5. Get a proper stereo in my room so I can listen to music better and not on these crappy laptop speakers

6. Start walking at least 15-30 minutes everyday (per Counselor)

7. Start going back to Church and start back reading the Bible again (per Counselor)

8. Do something real special for Mom on Mother's Day

9. Find a girlfriend

10. Work with Dr. on new meds and work with Counselor on depression, anxiety and trauma therapy - GET BETTER so I can have my life back

That should be plenty enough for now......


mp3 Things To Do

Sunbear - Sunbear


mp3 (Do The) Inevitable

Macha - Forget Tomorrow


mp3 Do What You Should

The Natural History - Beat Beat Heartbeat


mp3 Doctor's Orders

Sonic Youth - Experimental Jet Set, Trash And No Star


mp3 If It Feels Good Do It

Sloan - Pretty Together


mp3 What To Do

Vermont And Centro-Matic - Vermont + Centro-Matic = Opportunity

Grey Days Indeed

I just don't give a shit what anyone thinks about my 'revealing' posts. Take it or leave it - I said it before and I say it again.

Exactly, to the day May 1st, a year ago, I tried to commit suicide. I was found by my 85 year old mother on May 2nd (2008) and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I spent two months in the hospital, 2 weeks of which I was in intensive care on life support. Yeah, I fucking know, you've heard this already. So, why the hell am I writing this? Well, it's something called a 'trigger' or 'flashback'. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a real thing. Many members of the armed forces have suffered from this affliction due to stressful events encountered during war time. Well, I also suffer from this affliction. I have not slept the past two days since I can't get the thoughts of what happened out of my head. And no, fuck no, I am not asking you to feel sorry for me. In fact, I don't give a damn how anyone feels for me right now. All I know is I am not sure whether I can make it through these grey days. I'm not sure why I didn't die on May 2nd of 2008. I'm not sure why I am alive today. I'm not sure why I tried to take my life. I'm not sure whether it is even worth going on from here.

And does anybody really understand or better yet, care to really understand - what depression is, what suicidal thoughts are, what PTSD is? Some do, I guess, but the majority just don't understand it. They think you should just be able to pull out of it. That it is no big deal, just get over it. Well, fuck those who think that. They have no idea, no clue as to what these things really are. And, quite frankly, they don't really care to understand. They would rather write it off and ignore it. To hell with them.

These are grey days indeed. My mind is tossed right now with all kinds of bad thoughts, all kinds of nightmares of what happened on those two fateful days in May of 2008. I'm sorry but I can't just get over it. It haunts me and plagues me. My so called 'life' will never be the same again. All because of what happened during those two days.

There is little left to say about this. It is my cross to bear. No one can handle it for me. I am alone in this nightmare. And that is the way it should be. I created the nightmare now I have to bear the consequences.

The songs below are about a certain topic. Figure it out for yourself. And please spare me the sentiment, don't feel sorry for me. I don't want that. I caused this, now I have to live with what follows. Or I don't....


mp3 Asleep

The Smiths - Louder Than Bombs


mp3 Conrad

Jets To Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary


mp3 From The Edge Of The Deep Green Sea

The Cure - Wish


mp3 No Surprises

Radiohead - OK Computer


mp3 Saturn Return

R.E.M. - Reveal


mp3 Auf Wiedersehen

Cheap Trick - Heaven Tonight

Need

I need to be loved...

I need to feel you by my side...

I need to feel your heart beating next to mine...

I need to see your smile...

I need to feel the warmth of your skin next to mine...

I need to touch your soul...

I need to hear the comfort of your voice...

I need you to believe in me...

I need you to tell me the truth...

I need to see through your eyes...

I need to understand the world...

I need to grow every day...

I need to be someone...

I need to believe in God...

I need to be an honest and upright person...

I need to see the sun shine every day...

I need the sun, the sky, the stars, the moon...

I need to feel the sand under my toes...

I need to have a will to live...

I need understanding...

I need faith...

I need hope...

I need promises...

I need intimacy...

I need security...

I need peace...

I need happiness...

I need love...

I need, I need, I need....


“You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need” - Rolling Stones


“Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you'” - Erich Fromm


“We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.” - Leo F. Buscaglia


"God didn't make a mistake when He made you. You need to see yourself as God sees you." - Joel Osteen


"All you need is love." - John Lennon


mp3 I Need Your Love

The Rapture - Echoes


mp3 Need It

Johnny Marr + The Healers - Boomslang


mp3 Need To Be

Stereolab - Margerine Eclipse


mp3 We All Need Love

Tim Burgess - I Believe


mp3 You Need A Heart To Live

His Name Is Alive - Detrola


* :-) *

mp3 Mars Needs Guitars!

Hoodoo Gurus - Mars Needs Guitars!

Fear

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I really don't know how many people out there suffer with fear. All I know is it dominates my life. I have so many fears about so many things. You could say I'm obsessed with fear. Fear of the future, fear of the past, fear of the here and now. I feel at times like I'm living on 'pins and needles', constantly vigilant, awaiting some disaster. They say a little fear is not a bad thing, keeps you on 'your toes'. But, I don't have a little, I have a lot. I guess it's an offshoot from the depression and anxiety that I suffer from. I have fear about everything in life and believe me, it isn't a pleasant way to live. The weird thing is I don't have that great a fear of death. In fact, at times I have felt that death would bring me release from my fear of life.

I don't know what else to write about this thing called fear. All I know, it is a powerful force in my everyday existence. I want to get rid of it, to be able to live in peace. But, instead it is my constant companion. Haunting my days and nights. And it is a vicious cycle - fear, anxiety, depression. They all blend in together to create a life that no one should have to live. But, I exist in this blend day to day. And I wish I could just wipe all the fear from my soul, give it all away.

So I exist, I hide, I hibernate, I try to escape this fear. But, it never leaves my side. It has the tightest grasp on my inner being. It has me 'locked and loaded', ready to go off in an instant. I truly don't know what life would be like without it. And that is the scariest thought of all....


"No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear." - Edmund Burke


"Perhaps the most important thing we can undertake toward the reduction of fear is to make it easier for people to accept themselves, to like themselves." - Bonaro W. Overstreet


"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." - Dorothy Thompson


"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom." - Marilyn Ferguson


"The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela


mp3 My Fear

Utah Carol - Wonder Wheel


mp3 The Fear

Travis - The Man Who


mp3 Fears To Remember

The Brothers Martin - The Brothers Martin


mp3 From The Inner Void I Fear...

The Telescopes - Altered Perception


mp3 Now There's That Fear Again

Mum - Finally We Are No One


mp3 The Sound Of Fear

Eels - Daisies Of The Galaxy

Cigarettes/Smoking

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Well, if there is one vice I have it would have to be smoking. I am a one pack a day kind of guy. I started smoking seriously late in life. Approximately 9 years ago, I started when I was going through my divorce. Looking back, I really don't know why I started the nasty habit. But I did. And now I am addicted to nicotine and can't go a day without it. I went for two months without smoking last year when I was in the hospital. But, the day I got released I started back again. I guess, the fact is it calms my nerves and it acts as a "pacifier". Sort of like a baby sucking on a "binky" (pacifier). I know it's weird but it's the truth. And I have tried to quit numerous times. I did the gum thing and the patch. And both were unsuccessful in getting me to quit.

Cancer and heart disease run in my family genes. My oldest brother had throat cancer and went through hell with it but beat it. My Dad had a heart disease (Angina) and died of a massive heart attack at 65 years old. And I know all this but I keep on doing it. I haven't seen my two daughters in a few years but when I was with them living in Texas, they always gave me a hard time about my smoking. They said I was gonna have "black" lungs. And dammit, they are probably right. It's truly a nasty habit and one that I seriously need to get rid of.

And the other fact is it is extremely expensive these days to smoke. A pack of cigarettes costs $4 to $5. So, I spend close to $30 a week on cigarettes. Multiply that by 52 weeks and you get a whomping $1,560 a year. Just think how many CD's I could buy with that money. If that isn't enough incentive to quit, I don't know what is.

So, writing about this makes me realize how really bad this habit is. I've known some folks who quit "cold turkey" and they claimed it was the best way to do it. Just, fucking quit. Maybe, that's what I'll do, maybe just maybe....


mp3 Cigarettes

Greg Dulli - Amber Headlights


mp3 Cigarette In Your Bed

My Bloody Valentine - You Made Me Realise


mp3 Cigarettes And Alcohol

Oasis - Definitely Maybe


mp3 Never Too Young To Smoke

Superchunk - Cup Of Sand


mp3 Smoke

Bedhead - Beheaded


mp3 Smoke Up

Frank Black & The Catholics - Pistolero

Five To Start The Day

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Another fairly brief post. Got a ton on my plate right now and with this depression it is hard to handle things. I have to take Mom to the Doctor again and then run errands - the usual, grocery shopping etc..

These five are somewhat of a different affair than what I usually post on this blog. A few of them lean more on the Techno/Electronica genre, rather than good old straight indie rock 'n' roll. I am slowly coming around to appreciate the Techno/Electronica stuff but at times it can be a mixed bag. There is a ton of it out there and you have to be selective in picking out what is good. On the flipside, Her Next Friend is some decent straight up indie rock with some nice guitar work - sort of reminds me of The Hold Steady. Well, it's a change - so check it out and let me know what you like or don't like.

I've got some new releases that I want to write seperate posts on and just need the time to do a proper write up on them. Plus, I am way late on posting some new Shoegaze sounds. I've had numerous Shoegaze bands send me new tunes and some of it is really good. So, expect in the next few days a series of posts featuring that new music from one of my favorite musical genres.

Well, here are the five for a Monday morning:


mp3 Tomorrow (Album Version)

mp3 Tomorrow (Great Northern Remix)

Ladytron - Tomorrow


mp3 Just Like Everyone Else

Solid Gold - Bodies Of Water


mp3 Magic City

Awesome New Republic - Rational Geographic - Volume One


mp3 House With No Door

Her Next Friend - Disaster Casual

I'm Here

I am sorry for the not being around the last few days. The black dog has struck me hard and I have been struggling just to make it through the days. Mom's illness has taken a turn for the worse and I have been using all the strength I have to take care of her. I don't know what else to say or write. These are 'dark' days and I just wish this illness would leave me. And I pray, pray so hard that Mom starts getting better and that her illness would leave her. So, please bear with me. I am still here and wish I could write more now. I have plans to start posting more frequently each day but right now I will just have to stay at one post a day for a little while. There are so many things to cope with right now, and I can't handle them all. I love this blog and I love my friends that I have made via this blog. I can't and won't ever again abandon this blog, it is all I've got to keep me sane. So, please stay tuned, I'm here and thanks to those who have left messages showing concern. I know I have friends out there who care and that is a great comfort to me!


mp3 Be Here Now

As Tall As Lions - As Tall As Lions


mp3 Been Here Before

Jeremy Enigk - World Waits


mp3 Down In Here

Longwave - There's A Fire


mp3 Get Me Out Of Here, I'm Dying

Belle & Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister


mp3 Going Nowhere

The Candy Skins - Death Of A Minor TV Celebrity


mp3 Here Alone Again

This Ascension - Sever

New Music - What I'm Listening To

There is a ton of new music out there. And quite frankly, I am having a hard time keeping up. As I mentioned before, I get a bunch of emails everyday, regarding new music that is out or coming out. What I think I will do from now on, is do more frequent posts during the day (instead of just one). And that way I can get some of this new music out to you on a timely basis. So, check in here often because I will be putting up multiple posts a day. I definitely have the time for it these days, so there is no reason why I shouldn't post more.

For now, here is a little mixtape of some new music that I am enjoying. Some of these may be dated a little bit. But, to me they are new and I am liking them a lot. Please check them out if you haven't already and support these artists by buying their albums.


mp3 Cold And Sober

The Drones - Havilah


mp3 Zero

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz


mp3 I Called Out Your Name

The Thermals - Now We Can See


mp3 Dance For Hours

Sholi - Sholi


mp3 Headlights

Now, Now Every Children - Cars


mp3 Toreador

O+S - O+S

Computers

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Shit, I have been having serious problems with my PC laptop today. It keeps crashing on me and giving me all kinds of errors. I shut everything down and ran Norton Anti-Virus and everything came out clean. So, it doesn't appear to be a virus. I get a virtual memory problem error message. I only have 256MB of RAM which may be part of the problem. But maybe there is some setting I need to adjust regarding the virtual memory issue? Not sure. One of the major problems is I am still using iTunes which totally sucks. I need to switch over to MediaMonkey. iTunes is a piece of shit and slows everything down in my computer when I run it.

It does make me wonder though, about how dependent we are on the use of computers. If I lost my laptop, I would have no contact whatsoever with the outside world. Yeah, I would have my cell phone so there is contact there. But the majority of contact I do have is via the internet. If I lost the computer I wouldn't be able to blog, email, twitter etc. etc.. My whole world would be shut down. That is a scary thought indeed.

Well, I ran a backup program and saved it off to my overloaded external hard drive. Just in case my laptop goes belly up. But that also frightens me because everything is backed up on the external hard drive and what if that fails? Then I would be in a situation where I have no computer and have lost all my important files. We take technology so much for granted these days that we tend to not do the protective measures needed in case of a hardware failure. We become complacent because technology usually works well most of the time.

I know I need more memory and I also need another backup drive. But that shit all costs money which I do not have. So, I gonna cross my fingers and hope the stuff stays together. If anyone reading this knows anything about the virtual memory setting, please let me know. I am not sure how to attack that problem but I keep getting an error message.

Crash, Bang, Boom here we fucking go again...


mp3 Crash

Cardia - Cardia


mp3 The Crash

The Pale - Gravity Get Things Done


mp3 Computer Blue

Prince And The Revolution - Purple Rain


mp3 Bang

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Yeah Yeah Yeahs


mp3 The Boom Boom Bap

Scritti Politti - White Bread Black Beer


mp3 Bang And Blame

R.E.M. - Monster

The Music In My Head

It's been almost a year now and I still have it. Ever since I got out of the hospital last year, I developed a rather annoying problem (among many others). I have music playing in my head constantly. It's technically not "music" but rather a repetitive tune that plays over and over in my head. It is with me at all waking hours and it is very annoying. The Doctors call it an "auditory hallucination". No, I am not schizophrenic - I don't hear voices or imaginary commands being sent to me. I just hear this repetitive tune in my head. They tell me it is because of the trauma from the suicide attempt and that it will eventually go away. But, it hasn't gone away. It is with me constantly.

However, the only time it does go away is when I am listening to real music. It's like the music replaces the tune playing in my head. And that is the only time I get any relief from it. The Doctors have tried different medicines to help this problem but none seem to work. Listening to music is the only thing that works and stops the crap from playing in my head. And that is why I immersed myself back into the music world and started blogging about music again. Because it is the only thing that keeps me from hearing that nasty tune.

Along with this problem I also did severe damage to my kidneys and bladder. My kidneys are functioning at 50% and I have constant blood in my urine. So, now you know it all. My life is an open book for all to see. I don't know why I write about this shit, other than the fact to get it off my chest. It is a sort of catharsis. Part of the healing process, I guess.

The music is so important to me, it is almost a life saver. Thank God for the music. And don't ever attempt suicide, life is too precious. And if you do attempt it and survive, your life will never be the same again. And there is no going back...


mp3 Music Non Stop

Kent - Hagnesta Hill


mp3 Music In The Womb

The Chameleons - Why Call It Anything


mp3 Is It In My Head

The Who - Quadrophenia


mp3 Right In The Head

M. Ward - Post-War


mp3 Sounds

Earlimart - Treble & Tremble


mp3 Bass Tuned To DEAD

Super Furry Animals - Radiator

Darkness

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Darkness surrounds me, engulfs me and pulls me into its lair. I cannot escape it because it is everywhere that I am. It haunts me, following me into the past, the future and the now. I cannot see through it. I can only feel it suppress me and hold me down. There is no light at all. Nothing, not even a small glimmer of brightness. It is such a powerful force, this darkness - these dark places. It has been with me now for years and it still feels like an unwelcome friend. I run and try to hide from it. But, I never can get away from it. It plagues me when I am awake or asleep. Dreams filled with an empty void of darkness. It is an evil thing, a force born out of ungodly demons. And all I can do is Pray that the light will take over the darkness. That I will be able to feel clearly again. That this evil thing will leave me once and forever.


mp3 Darkness

The Police - Ghost In The Machine


mp3 Darkness Comes

Summer Hymns - Backward Masks


mp3 Dark Days Indeed

Firewater - The Man On The Burning Tightrope


mp3 Dark Forces

Killing Joke - Killing Joke


mp3 Dark Matter

Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha


mp3 Darker

Doves - Lost Souls

Sunday Blues

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Just a quick post, not feeling like writing a bunch of personal stuff today and worn out going through my emails for new music.

So, the topic is Sunday, a day I should like but don't. Sundays and Mondays are the worst for me. If I had my way I would skip both, go from Saturday straight to Tuesday. Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest and peace, shit, even God took Sunday off. But for me it is a day of unrest, uneasiness and the blues. I guess it all harkens back to when I was working. I always dreaded Sunday because it signified the end of the weekend and the start of a new week. It would be different if I had something to look forward to. But, that is simply not the case these days. So, all I can do is try to stay in the moment, not think about the past or future and get through this day. Damn, I hate Sundays. Maybe these tracks will make me feel better about this day...


mp3 Sunday

Bloc Party - A Weekend In The City


mp3 Sunday (Moby Remix)

David Bowie - Heathen


mp3 Sunday, Sunday

Blur - Modern Life Is Rubbish


mp3 A Month Of Sundays

The Church - Remote Luxury


mp3 Everyday Is Like Sunday

Morrissey - Viva Hate


mp3 It's A Sunday

The Incredible Moses Leroy - Electric Pocket Radio

New Music - 04/18/2009

I get close to 50 emails everyday from promo folks offering up new music. It takes a huge amount of time to go through these emails properly (download tracks, listen to tracks, read promo info about the band etc. ec.). I am thankful to get these emails since they expose me to new music but I just wish I could find a better way to manage them. And I wish I had the time to properly post about each one individually. Yes, some are shite but the majority are pretty decent. I just don't know how to effectively handle all of these emails.

So, I guess the best thing for me to do is a series of posts that feature this new music, as time allows. I have a huge backlog of material, that unfortunately is probably outdated. Therefore, I will try to do these post "real time" and not sit on the emails. I will only post stuff I think is good and also will let you decide for yourself. Check the tunes out, check out the artist's website and make a mixtape of this new music.


"On April 28th, Phoenix, Arizona's A LIFE OF SCIENCE will release their debut album, The Apneist, on Independent Label, Sundawg Records. The Apneist is a fully articulated electronic rock concept album. A film, novel, comic book and art series based on the same story are currently in production with plans for 2009 release."

mp3 Evidence Of Lunar Orbit

A Life Of Science - The Apneist

A Life Of Science MySpace


"The Flying Change is the songwriting and performance vehicle for New York-based songwriter Sam Jacobs. Pain Is A Reliable Signal draws deeply from the endless medical journey into which Jacobs and his family have been thrust. Four years ago, Sam’s wife began experiencing severe sciatic nerve pain, leading to the discovery of latent spinal birth defects. A neurosurgeon at Georgetown Hospital performed two experimental surgeries which did not aleviate the pain but instead brought along new debilitating back pain. Next they turned the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota hoping for a Hail Mary cure. Instead, doctors informed them they knew of no remedy nor treatment. His wife continues to suffer from physical pain, her condition interrupting the future they’d intended and the plans they'd laid. Pain relives this story in familiar themes of love, loss and reckoning, spoken in words fluid and incisive. The Flying Change is releasing Pain Is A Reliable Signal on May 19, 2009!"

mp3 Dirty White Coats

mp3 If You See Something, Say Something

The Flying Change - Pain Is A Reliable Signal

The Flying Change MySpace


"The Gary’s origins are on the Comal River, July 2008. Paul Warner paddled over to Dave Norwood and suggested they start a band called The Gary.

Dave saw no reason why they shouldn’t play in a band called The Gary, and so it began. It should be noted that both were several beers into their river journey, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. The beer-goggle phenomenon applies to band names, as well.

A week or two later, Trey Pool suggested he come and play some guitar. The band was complete. Songs were written and the band checked into East Austin’s infamous Hot Tracks recording studio in November to record the seven-song Chub EP. They began playing shows with bands such as DD/MM/YYYY, Medications, Maserati, and Grant Hart of Husker Du. The band began exchanging prose and verse about a fictive stoner ne’er-do-well named Gary, which will soon be made available in chapbook format. Suddenly, being called The Gary didn’t seem like such a bad thing, after all.

The Gary’s sound is as rooted in a sense of place as it is in their influences (Silkworm, Guided By Voices, Chicago post-rock, New Zealand noise-rock, etc.) Lyrics and song delivery convey the sense of defeat accompanied by “getting by” in their Austin/Central Texas surroundings...

...not to mention the unfathomable heat that drives us into rivers and causes us to form bands with peculiar names.

The Gary is Dave Norwood on bass and vocals, Trey Pool on guitar, and Paul Warner on drums."


mp3 Damn Machines

mp3 I May Have A Drink

The Gary - Chub


"Roberto and Nathaniel Aguilar are brothers. No Jack-and-Meg-White mystery about it. The two members of Dish have bickered on family car trips, fought over bunk beds and cruised the streets of their hometown of Damascus, Maryland their whole lives.

But more importantly, they discovered music together, and the pairing of Roberto’s organic, genre-busting singing and guitar work with Nathaniel’s junk-gypsy found percussion has been a decade in the making (check out plenty of shots of Nathaniel’s “junk” drums HERE.) That’s exactly what Dish is, two left-of-center musical minds preternaturally in tune with each other to create a sound without peer on the current pop scene.

Their debut EP Los Angeles, which has been called an impressionist dreamscape, came from a feverish three-day recording session in Los Angeles produced by drummer Jay Bellerose (Robert Plant, Beck, Ray Lamontagne) and Jen Condos (Don Henley, Ryan Adams, Bruce Springsteen) and engineered by Ryan Freeland (who recently helmed Aimee Mann’s The Forgotten Arm).

A year later the Aguilar brothers took a year and produced the album Ma Raison De Vivre Ton Amour (Your Love Is My Reason To Live) which is their most complete work yet. With collaborations and the room to stretch out artistically, Dish has been described as “Jeff Buckley as an ADHD-riddled nine-year-old playing prodigious poly rhythms on pots ‘n pans” and been compared to Flaming Lips with snippets of Radiohead.

Their latest CD is raw, organic, strong, dark and beautiful, (something their fans are accustomed to in their live shows – see HERE.) It’s that intensity of performance and song craft that have, quite simply, leveled audiences wherever Dish has played. Come for the buckets, stay for the groundbreaking music. Dish will play your kitchen sink and blow the roof off the place. There are no mistakes, only sounds with intention. Intention is everything."

mp3 This Ain't Livin'

Dish - Ma Raison De Vivre Ton Amour


Note 1: I do apologize for the "cut and paste" of bio material for these bands. I just figure it is the best way to introduce you to these bands. And it takes quite a bit of time to put together a proper post (upload files to server, links, going thru emails etc.) In the future I will try to write my own words about these new bands and skip over the bio's.

Note 2: ATTENTION all the Promo & PR folks who are reading this - PLEASE, PLEASE do not fucking send me low quality mp3 rips of promo tracks. This is unacceptable. 128kbps or 160kbps are not the same as a proper 192kbps rip. In the future, I will not post anything below 192kbps. Also, I prefer to receive the actual physical copy of the CD in the mail, instead of receiving low quality digital downloads. You can email me merzmars@gmail.com and I will provide you with my mailing address.

Travel, Places, Rambling

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I don't know what it is but I have this great urge, right now, to travel somewhere. Maybe it's because of my current situation, where I am more or less house bound. I can't afford the money to travel and my head is too messed up to do it. But, I feel the urge so strongly.

In the past, I used to travel quite a bit. I've had various jobs that required me to be out in the "field". Traveling for business though, is not always the best. Usually, you don't have time for yourself and it sometimes can be quite rushed. But, I have been very fortunate to have traveled numerous places overseas and in the US. Places I have been to overseas are: England (really loved London), Israel (Tel Aviv and Jerusalem) - even floated in the Dead Sea, Germany (mainly Munich), and Finland (used to work for Nokia a Finnish company). My favorite overseas place by far was Finland. Most possibly, because I traveled there about a dozen times. I really saw a lot of the country and loved it. Germany was not bad either. Loved the beer and it is also a beautiful country. Ireland is a beautiful country too but my trip there was way to short and quick. Israel was a real trip - the history of that land amazes me. When you talk about history in the US, you usually are talking about a couple hundred years. When you go overseas, the history of those countries span over thousands of years. Places I wish that I could have gone to include: Italy, Poland, and France. Italy and Poland especially since I am second generation Polish/Italian - 50/50 split there. Ah, maybe someday when I have the money and am feeling better.

I've also traveled extensively in the USofA. Spent a lot of time on the left coast (California, Oregon, Washington etc.) and also the East Coast (DC, Boston, North Carolina etc.). Some of my favorite cities to visit were: San Diego, Phoenix, Portland, and Boston. Ah, shit I forgot, also traveled to Vancouver, BC and other parts of Canada.

You know, the sad thing about all this is, I rarely took a camera with me on these travels. When you travel business you usually pack pretty light and I just rarely took a camera with me. So, all I have are visual memories in my drug addled brain. But they are some good memories at that.

And then there are places that I have lived in. These are: Texas, Colorado, Florida, New Hampshire (where I grew up) and Maryland. I moved around quite a bit due to having various jobs. The fact is, I used to have a real life. Not this shit for nothing existence I have right now. And hell, I used to be fairly important in my career. I have a degree in Electrical Engineering and spent close to 20 years in the business. Now, I am just a depressed, unemployed individual. And all I got is these fucking memories to reflect on.

Well, enough rambling for now. I promised before to get some new music posted up on this blog and haven't delivered yet on that promise. But, I will get there soon, so please stay tuned in. Thanks for your patience. Now, on to some tunes:


mp3 Traveler

Screaming Trees - Dust


mp3 Universal Traveler

Air - Talkie Walkie


mp3 Hard Road To Travel

Jimmy Cliff - Trojan Explosion


mp3 Going Places

Teenage Fanclub - Grand Prix


mp3 Places

Ours - Precious


mp3 Keep The Dream Alive

John Vanderslice - Time Travel Is Lonely

Backlash

Dear Pastor (name withheld),

This is my second email to you, and I am very upset that I have to write this. When we first met you agreed to counsel me and also agreed to be my "mentor". It has been several weeks now and I have not heard a word from you. No emails or phone calls. I am severely hurt and disappointed that you have not followed up with me. As you know, my situation is very bad and I am desperately in need of help. You mentioned many times when we met that I was considered a "Brother In Christ" and that my welfare was a concern to you. Obviously, your concept of a "mentor" and "Brother In Christ" is not in alignment with what I understand those things to be. The last phone call we had (which I initiated), you put the responsibility on me to follow back up with you. In essence, you did this to escape any personal responsibility as my so called "mentor". The fact is, as a Pastor, the responsibility falls on you to follow up with me. I understand that you may be extremely busy but there is no excuse, in my mind, for you not following up with me. Especially due to the fact that you promised to counsel and "mentor" me.

I find your behavior in this matter to be irresponsible, hypocritical and negligent. In fact, your behavior has turned me away from going to the Chapel anymore. In your capacity, you represent the Church and your behavior is unacceptable. I really thought that the Chapel was going to be the right place for me to attend and worship God. But, under these circumstances I no longer feel that way. As a new "Christian" I feel that I deserved more from you and the Church in general. But, it is obvious to me now that you don't really care about my welfare or my newly formed walk with Christ.

I pray that you do not treat the other people you "counsel/mentor" in the same manner as you have treated me. And please don't insult me again by asking for forgiveness as you did in my first email to you about this issue. Right now, I cannot find it in my heart to forgive you. Hopefully, time will change that. But, the wounds, due to your lack of respect for me, are too deep for me to forgive right now. I only hope that you will learn from this experience and pray that you do not do this to other individuals that need help.

I really looked up to you and thought that you were going to be a great source of help for me when we first met. I feel stupid now for having those thoughts. You should have never promised me these things if you could not deliver on your promise. This whole situation has worsened my condition and has turned me away from the Church. I will no longer be attending services at the Chapel and will no longer require your "false" services.

In conclusion, I pray and hope that you learn from this experience and that you do not treat other individuals as you have treated me.

Sincerely,

David M.


mp3 Liar

Sex Pistols - Never Mind The Bollocks


mp3 Your Eyes Are Liars

Sound Team - Movie Monster


mp3 Fake Empire

The National - Boxer


mp3 Fake

The Frames - Burn The Maps


mp3 Hypocrite

Lush - Split


mp3 Hypocrite

The Specials - Today's Specials

See

Image From Here

As time goes by, there are things that I just can't see anymore. And I'm not talking about actual vision (sight) but about seeing things as they really are. Maybe it's the meds, the depression, the anxiety or just age - I don't know. But, what I do know is at times I can't see the reality of a situation. I can't determine if it is real or not. I can't see into the situation to determine what it really means. It's like a fog has shrouded over me and blurs my perception. Like a curtain is drawn in front of me but I can't see what's on the other side. I can't decipher the true meaning of things that happen in my life. I can't see them for what they really are. I catch myself, always second guessing what I say and do. And it's because of this lack of seeing things in the right perspective; as they really are. I don't trust myself anymore to see things as they should be seen. And most times what I end up seeing is not what is really happening. My "sight" is skewed, obscured and unfocused. It is filtered by all the bad things that have happened in my life. So, what I end up seeing is tainted by the mess my life really is. In essence, I am seeing things through a "dirty" lens. I'm definitely not seeing reality, that is for sure.

And this causes all kinds of problems in my life. It affects my relationships, my love, my inner being. It has severe consequences on everything in my life. If only I could clear the fog, clear the lens and actually see things for what they really are. But instead, I have developed paranoia, fear, mistrust - all because I am seeing things through a distorted lens (view/perception).

I don't know what the answer to all of this is. I don't how to see again in the right perspective. There are too many things blocking my view. Too many bad things in the way. I guess all I can do is try to resolve, in my mind, these bad things one by one. And maybe I can clear the lens so that I can once again see things for what they really are.


mp3 I See A Darkness

Johnny Cash - American III:Solitary Man


mp3 All I Can See

Ride - Smile


mp3 If We Cannot See

Devics - Push The Heart


mp3 See Yourself

The Sunshine Fix - Age Of The Sun


mp3 I Can Not Have Seen The Light

Magnolia Electric Co. - What Comes After The Blues


mp3 See

Sandman Faction - Sandman Faction

It's All About Soul

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Yeah, well after stewing it over for a day, I've decided to change my mind. Quite frankly, I received some nasty feedback via email regarding my personal posts. It hurt bad. I spent a good day in deep depression and self pity. But then I finally came to the realization that it doesn't really matter. They can go fuck themselves for all I care. This is my blog and I will write about whatever I want to write about. This blog is about my soul and I have a good soul at that. So, as I said in an earlier post - take it or fucking leave it...

I've lived for 48 years now and have a lot of life experience. I have this great inner need to share that with others. It helps cleanse my inner soul to write about these things in my life. And yes, I am unique. You won't find many music blogs out there that write about personal stuff and post music to go with it. And I'm sorry if you may not like my style but that is just the way it is and will be.

And then there was this certain message thread on a popular forum. And I got shot down and was in the minority with my opinion. Plus, I felt alone and that no one on the thread was backing my opinion (except for my friend Will). Everyone thought the subject of the thread was excellent and personally I didn't agree. But to each his own. I got my own style and they got theirs. And we can co-exist with each other. Personally, I prefer to read a blog and get to know how the writer feels about the music through their words. It is important to me to make that connection with the writer, that way I appreciate the music more. And, for God's sake, that's why it's called a music "blog".

So, all I have left to say is this - I was deeply hurt by the cruel comments I received and was disappointed in the fact that only one person backed my opinion in the message thread. But that's life and I can't let it destroy me. I have already been to the lowest point in my life and don't want to end up there again. So, either you are with me or not. And I know that the small circle of friends that I do have are with me. The rest of you need to decide that for yourself. If you want to read about real life, real soul, and get some music on the side; then this is the place to be.


mp3 Come Down Softly To My Soul

Spacemen 3 - Playing With Fire


mp3 Elevator To My Soul

Euphoria - Euphoria


mp3 Found That Soul

Manic Street Preachers - Know Your Enemy


mp3 Good For My Soul

The Jesus & Mary Chain - Honey's Dead


mp3 Heart And Soul

Joy Division - Closer


mp3 Satisfy My Soul

Bob Marley & The Wailers - Legend

All Personal Transmissions Will Stop

Just a short post, today is not a good day for me. From this point forward I will no longer bare my soul on this music blog. I am tired of talking about myself and my problems and you are probably tired of hearing it too. From now on it will only be about the music.

I do want to say thanks again to all of you who have shown concern and have left kind messages to me. You all are my friends and I do appreciate it, more than words can say....


mp3 Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Oasis - Heathen Chemistry


mp3 Stop Thinking About It

Joey Ramone - Don't Worry About Me


mp3 Time To Stop Talking

The Rakes - Ten New Messages


mp3 Stop Talking

The Walkmen - Everyone Who Pretended To Like Is Gone


mp3 Stop

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Take Them On, On Your Own

Anxiety/Nerves

I don't know what's going on today but I have a tremendous amount of anxiety and nervousness. Worse than most days. I have this constant feeling that something bad is about to happen. You know, the feeling you get in the gut that just makes you feel anxious.

Actually, I guess I do know what is going on. I suffer from real anxiety, most of the time but today it is extremely bad. There is a glimmer of hope though. I had one of these done recently and it showed some serious problems in my brain, especially in the areas that control anxiety and worry. Basically, I have too much blood flow in those areas which results in my brain being overactive there. And what happens is the anxiety gets so bad that it fuels the depression. It's all a chemical imbalance type of thing. And the good news is I will be seeing a new Dr. that I am hopeful can help me. There are supposedly some meds out there that will help 'quiet' that area of my brain so I don't have the bad anxiety and depression. At least that is what they tell me. I am somewhat skeptical since I am currently on a ton of meds now and nothing seems to help. But, I guess there are some new ones out there that may help. The other problem is this will be a slow process and may take awhile before I am feeling better where I can actually function at a normal level. So, I need to have a lot of patience going through this process.

Well, enough already about myself. I am starting to get tired of writing about my life story on this here music blog.

The good news is I have been in contact with a bunch of new Shoegaze bands and will be featuring some new Shoegaze sounds very soon. I am late in posting this up because I promised these guys I would get something up soon. So, hopefully I can have a post up tomorrow featuring some of these bands.

On to the music:

mp3 Nerves

Bauhaus - In The Flat Field


mp3 Nervous Wreck

Capitol Air - Desperate Hour Extinguisher


mp3 Nervous Guy

Old 97's - Satellite Rides


mp3 People Tell Me Not To Worry

Papas Fritas - Pop Has Freed Us


mp3 No Need To Worry

Folk Implosion - One Part Lullaby


mp3 Worry Beads

Geneva - Further

Good Friday?

Yeah, I know I should happy, it's Good Friday and the weekend is here. But, I just can't get myself to be happy. It's that damn Black Dog always, always nipping at my heels. Plus, I have a lot of stress on me right now, especially with Mom being sick and all.

I understand the implications of Good Friday and Easter Sunday, since I grew up as a good Catholic boy. And, quite frankly, I do believe but my Faith is not that strong these days. I have been trying and it is a slow growth process. Sometimes, I feel split in half, so to speak. That is, there is the worldly side of me and then there is the spiritual side of me. The worldly side tends to dominate over the spiritual side. It's like there is a constant battle between the two and the worldly always wins the battle. The counselor I see is a Christian based counselor and he is a really good fellow. He says I need to let the spiritual side take over and let go of the worldly ways. But, the fact is, I just don't know how to do that. And it all comes back, full circle, to the thing called Faith. I just don't have enough Faith to allow the spiritual side to take over my life. If only it was easier to let go and truely believe. I am told that when this process happens there is a great sense of relief and peace. And I truly desire for that relief and peace.

You know, I try. I go to church, I read the Bible, I pray but it just doesn't seem to help me in anyway. The Bible says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Prov. 3:5-6) The key word being Trust. Which in essence is Faith. I just don't Trust enough to let go and let the spiritual side dominate. I don't know what the answer is but I keep searching, searching for significance, for some meaning in this life. And, I guess all I can do is try to keep on keeping on and maybe someday I will have that Faith that will bring me relief and peace. Maybe, someday that will happen.


mp3 Creatures Of Little Faith

Ray Davies - Other People's Lives


mp3 True Faith - (94)

New Order - (The Best Of) New Order


mp3 A Matter Of Trust

Her Space Holiday - Home Is Where You Hang Yourself


mp3 Weight Of The World

Happiness Factor - Avoid Danger


mp3 God Is In The House

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - No More Shall We Part


mp3 If God Will Send His Angels (Big Yam Mix)

U2 - The Best Of 1990-2000 & B-Sides

Hurry Up, Move Fast, Wait

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It really seems to me that the pace of life has gotten out of control these days. Everyone is in a hurry to get something done or to be somewhere fast. Even though I am unemployed right now, I still feel the 'tug' of the maddening, fast pace of life. You see it everywhere; at the store, driving in your car, and even twittering on the internet (I do like to twitter though). Don't get me wrong, sometimes I thrive on this pace. It gets me moving and doing things that get me out of my head. Which is good. But there are times where I wish it would all just slow down a bit. I was at the grocery store the other day and it was a madhouse. People pushing by you with their grocery carts, scrambling, and not ever making eye contact. Head down and moving forward. And driving in the car is another thing. I live in a small area with not a very large population. But there is so much fucking traffic that it blows my mind. And if you drive the speed limit, you are driving too slow. People fly by you like there is no tomorrow. Where the hell is everyone going and why so fast? And no matter where you go these days, you will always find it crowded. Even here in Melboring, Florida everything is crowded.

It just seems that we have lost touch with what is important in life. We have everything at our fingertips, everything is available instantly. And everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere fast. The problem is we have it too easy. Instant communication is everywhere. It's easier to send an email, or text message someone rather than taking the time to visit with them in person. It just seems to me that we are missing out on something that I can't quite put my finger on. I guess it is the personal contact, that is physical contact. We have connections and friends but we rarely communicate with them directly in person. We have lost that intimacy and one on one contact with each other.

Like I said, don't get me wrong. Without things like the internet, text messaging, emails - I wouldn't have any contact with anyone. I would truly be alone. And without these things I would have no friends and wouldn't be in touch with my family. I would really be lost without these things of communication.

However, growing up in the 60's/70's we didn't have all this stuff and life seemed to be a lot easier. We all lived close to each other and had regular get togethers. Now, everyone is spread apart across the country and there is no cohesiveness in the family. Basically, the family unit has been broken apart. So, we still communicate but not in a personal, physical way. It's a different world now and at times I long for the way it used to be.

It's important to reiterate that the friends I have made via this blog and the internet are wonderful. I truly feel that you are my friend even though we have not met. And there is a big part of me that wishes we could meet in person. What a joy that would really be! And maybe someday that will happen, at least I hope it will.

I guess, in summary, I feel fortunate to have all these tools available that allow me to communicate with everyone. Without them life would not be good. But, there is also another part of me that longs for close contact. To be able to meet with my internet friends and family one on one. To slow down the pace somewhat, reflect on things and not have to hurry constantly. To slow the world down just a bit and savor the moment.


mp3 Hurry Up And Wait

Stereophonics - Performance And Cocktails


mp3 Faster Days

Velvet Crush - Teenage Symphonies To God


mp3 How Fast Can You Love

Pia Fraus - In Solarium


mp3 Moving Fast

Rockfour - Nationwide


mp3 Nowhere Fast (Live)

The Smiths - Same Day Again


mp3 Stand Fast

C'est La Mort - Unleashed

I Wish

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Wish:

1. to want; desire; long for (usually fol. by an infinitive or a clause): I wish to travel. I wish that it were morning.

2. to desire (a person or thing) to be (as specified): to wish the problem settled.

3. to entertain wishes, favorably or otherwise, for: to wish someone well; to wish someone ill.

4. to bid, as in greeting or leave-taking: to wish someone a good morning.

5. to request or charge: I wish him to come.


I wish that Mom would start feeling better...

I wish that I could beat this depression and feel better...

I wish the best for all my internet friends, they are important to me...

I wish the economy would get better...

I wish I could see my children, I miss them so much...

I wish for someone special to come into my life...

I wish that there would be peace in the world, no wars...

I wish Joe Strummer was still alive...

I wish Joey Ramone was still alive...

I wish Warren Zevon was still alive...

I wish Kurt Cobain was still alive...

I wish that U2 could have a concert in Florida...

I wish that more people would visit this blog...

I wish more people would understand what depression is...

I wish I could quit smoking cigarettes...

I wish that marijuana would become legal...

I wish that time would slow down and the pace of life would be easier...

I wish the past would not haunt me anymore...

I wish the future would not scare me anymore...

I wish to live in the present, here and now...

I wish I had a normal life again...

I wish that my dreams would be come true...

I wish all my wishes would come true...

I wish, I wish.....


mp3 I Wish

This Ascension - Sever


mp3 Only One Wish

Shade - Fedra


mp3 To Wish Impossible Things

The Cure - Wish


mp3 Wish

Hammock - Kenotic


mp3 Wish I Could

The Jesus & Mary Chain - Stoned & Dethroned


mp3 Wish List

Jets To Brazil - Perfecting Loneliness


mp3 WishFulfillment

Sonic Youth - Dirty

Monday Blues

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Ah, yes the battle wages on. Am somewhat equipped (sort of) with the armor to fight it but just don't have the inner strength yet. And, the other thing is I don't like Mondays. I read somewhere that Monday is heart attack day. Apparently, the stress of starting a new week causes many to have a heart attack. Man, that is fucking depressing. My favorite day is either Friday or Saturday, it's a toss up which one is better.

And being depressed can trigger weird things to happen physically to your body. A lot of people don't understand that depression is an illness - a disease. It's physiololgical and can do a number to your physical, as well as, your mental health. With all the advances in the medical world, depression still seems to be a disease that is not fully understood by the medical community. Although, more people in the medical community are now starting to realize the devestating effects of this disease and are more tuned in to what it can do to a person's health. Unfortunately, we (they) still don't know enough about how the brain works and how it can be affected.

There are a lot of other things that I could talk about related to my illness. I have been through the wringer with Doctors and various tests. Still, haven't found the right 'cocktail' of medicine that will help my brain out. But, am seeing a new Dr. now and there seems to be hope of trying some new medicine out. More about that later.

Here is some Monday Blue music for the ears. Hope it isn't too depressing but it is my way of expressing how much I hate Mondays.


mp3 Blue Monday - (88)

New Order - (The Best Of) New Order


mp3 Bottle Of Blues

Beck - Mutations


mp3 Checkout Blues

Eels - Blinking Lights And Other Revelations


mp3 Honest Man's Blues

Broken Family Band - Welcome Home, Loser


mp3 Me And The Devil Blues

Dead Meadow - Shivering King And Others


mp3 Revelation Blues

Dora Flood - We Live Now


And Other Places:

Please checkout my friend's wonderful blog How Marvellous... Andy is a posting machine and always has excellent music featured. Check out this post about Depression. Awesome, one of my favorite daily blogs to visit!


And new to the blogroll:

Check out Miss Parker at Rave And Roll Blog. She has an excellent taste in music and wonderful coverage of 80's music!

Oh, and finally, I made a promise and I plan to keep it. That is to get some new music written about and posted on this here blog. So, new stuff is coming, please bear with me......

Twittered

Just a quick post since I have to run some errands and take care of Mom. But, the news is, I joined up with Twitter yesterday. You can find me here. My username is merzmars, of course. Still need to figure a couple things out. Need to setup Twitterfeed so that my blog posts get updated on Twitter and need to setup my mobile phone also. Then I can be a real good fucking Tweeter. Ha! So far, it's glorious fun and quite addictive too. Can't keep my eyes off the updates and love the social networking. Neat stuff! So, please hook up with me and let's follow each other through the Twitterverse....

Other stuff: Got a call from my youngest daughter who lives in Texas yesterday. She is 11 years old and a great, smart kid. She badly sprained her ankle while playing volleyball but is doing ok. God, I love my children so much and miss them. I also have an 18 year old daughter who lives in Texas too. It's been over 2 years since I've seen them and man, do I miss them. Maybe, I can get them twittering so I can keep up with them better....

So, on to some music:

mp3 A Secret Message To You

Devics - Push The Heart


mp3 Communication

The Brothers Martin - The Brothers Martin


mp3 Unreadable Communication

Curve - Cuckoo


mp3 Talk Talk (Single Version)

Talk Talk - The Very Best Of Talk Talk


mp3 Talk Amongst Yourselves

Grand National - Kicking The National Habit

Myself/Rambling

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You know, one of the worst things about depression is the isolation involved with it. It causes you to withdraw and focus only on yourself. You get inside your head and constantly go through the past. All the mistakes and all the hurts. And, then it is so hard to focus on other things, to do other things, to live life. Thank God right now that I have my Mom. Yeah, I know it is pretty lame for a 48 year old to be living with his Mom, but that is just the way it is right now. And she needs me desperately. As I said in a previous post, she is very ill right now. And, she requires my constant attention. Which I give her with all my heart. I pray constantly that she recovers and gets back to her normal self.

The other thing about depression is the anger, which (as evidenced in my previous post) is something that I have a lot of. The anger is mainly at myself but it comes out in other ways. It simmers and stews in the background and then it just has to come out. I am angry about myself, the mistakes I've made in the past and above all; I am angry about the situation I am currently in. I guess the fact is, at this point in time, I really don't like myself very much. That is the core belief which is causing the problem.

And the other issue is I have a very strong need to have someone to love in my life. I'm not talking about family here but about having a relationship with a woman. Its literally been years since I had a real relationship with anyone. I desire to have intimacy and to have someone to talk to and be with. Someone to love and get me outside of my head. We were not put into this world to be alone, everyone has a need for someone else in their life.

So, the battle wages on. I must say sorry about my last post. I usually don't swear that much. But, sometimes you just got to fucking swear. And thank God for the music, it helps me get out my head........


mp3 God Is Going To Get Sick Of Me

Aberdeen City - The Freezing Atlantic


mp3 Never Gonna Kill Myself Again

Rocket From The Tombs - Rocket Redux


mp3 I Scare Myself

Thomas Dolby - Rare Hits Of The 80's


mp3 Sick Of Myself

Matthew Sweet - 100% Fun


mp3 Little Argument With Myself

Low - Trust


mp3 Lost Myself

Longpigs - The Sun Is Often Out

Hanging On The Edge

WTF -- I started back music blogging but instead have turned this blog into my personal journal. Man, what the hell am I doing? Baring my whole soul and life to the friggin' internet. The only thing that doesn't stop me is the tight circle of cyber friends that I have, who are kind enough to comment on my posts and show a genuine interest in my well being. I think the rest of you that visit only want the mp3's I post. Can't fucking blame you for that, because that's why I post them. Kinda ironic though, sharing music that is really not mine to share. I don't have written permission to share the tracks I post. But, having said that, I will take down any track if anyone asks me to. I truly believe in the music and want people exposed to it and to buy it for God's sake.

I'm literally hanging on the damn edge here.. Exposed, bare naked to the fucking world. You know, when I had this blog running in 2006/2007, I used to get 1,000+ visitors a day. Not bad for a cheap ass blog like this. Now, I only get about 200 to 300 visits a day. Yeah, maybe it's because I just started back. Or maybe it's because I have transformed this fucker into my personal journal. I really don't know and it pisses me off. Thank God for cool aggregators like The Hype Machine and Elbows. Without those dudes, I would get 10 visits a day. And, who the hell actually really reads my ramblings. I would hazard a guess that the only folks who read are the ones who comment. And that gets back to my tight circle of cyber friends. Thank God for them. Otherwise, I would shut this SOB down in a friggin heartbeat. Why the hell do I do it then? What's the point? Maybe, just maybe it keeps my mind off of the millions of thoughts that plague my messed up brain. It gives me something to do and gets me out of myself. Which is a nasty place to be these days. I'm hanging on the edge here, holding on for dear life. Yeah, dear life, what a joke...

I'm in such a pissy mood right now don't know why I am even writing this crap. I almost died last May and let me tell you, I didn't see any fucking tunnel with a light at the end. Two weeks on life support, in a coma and no friggin' tunnel with a light. Nothing but black space. Shit, I don't even remember. Two whole months in a hospital bed and all I remember is the second month. The fucking TV constantly on and getting my blood drawn at 4 am in the morning. And sharing the room with various psychotic individuals. What a nightmare. It left holes in my brain and memories I can never get away from. Yeah, you say, it can only get better from here. Right? Well, let me tell you. It's just as bad, even worse at times, compared to when I took that whole bottle of pills. It's supposed to get better isn't it? Yeah, right...

It's a huge cliff and I'm straddling the edge of it. It's either up or down. And one fucking choice to make.

So, now you know it all, all the bloody gory details. The guts of it all. That's Merz, one fucking open book. No secrets here. Just the facts. And what to do about this God forsaken blog. Yeah, I know I'm not up on the new stuff. Not posting about bands like Vampire Weekend. What a fucking lame name for a band. Makes me want to puke. I don't give a shit if their music is good, the name sucks so do they. All your gonna get out me is some old shit that I particularly like. It wouldn't be on my hard-drive, loaded up in iTunes, if I didn't like it. So, take it or fucking leave it. That's your choice. I don't give a shit if my visits go down to two a day. At least there will be two people I am pleasing. This ain't and never will be a GvsB or MOKB or Stereogum or.....whatever. Never in a fucking lifetime. It is what it is. Like I said take it or leave it, your choice. I got my own choices to deal with and that fucking cliff is tugging at me as best as it can. And my fingernails are bloody from holding on to the edge. But what do you care? You just want the music. So, here it is, old, used and abused but some of the best stuff you will find on any blog. Fucking Vampire Weekend..... Utter bullshit....


THE ONLY FUCKING BAND THAT MATTERS....

mp3 Should I Stay Or Should I Go

THE CLASH - Live: From Here To Eternity


THE OTHER ONLY FUCKING BAND THAT MATTERS - 30 years of fantastic music, my favorite band and you can go fuck yourself if you don't like them or their new album... I could give two shits...

mp3 I Fall Down

U2 - October


And I will probably get a DMCA take down email about this one but WTF.....

mp3 Magnificent

U2 - No Line On The Horizen


And these guys were the real deal...

mp3 Dead Set On Destruction

Husker Du - Candy Apple Grey


And another real deal...

mp3 My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes To Bitburg)

The Ramones - Animal Boy


And of course, you can't fucking forget the Shoegaze...

mp3 Vapour Trail

Ride - Nowhere


And last but not least, you can't ever forget these guys....

mp3 Paranoid Android

Radiohead - OK Computer


I could go on and on here but don't feel like waiting for two hours to upload this shit. So, as I said before, take it or leave it... One choice to make. Only one...

Feelings/Rambling

Yeah, I know when the hell is Merz going to post some new music? Well, I am guilty as charged. Been going through my email inbox but have not found anything that has really moved me. The exception though is some new Shoegaze that will be coming up soon. I just have not really gotten any good vibes about the new stuff I've listened to. But that will change soon I am sure...

Got a lot going on in my life right now, a lot on my plate. And, I know that my posts tend to be highly skewed towards personal things. I apologize if that may bother you but it helps me work through some major issues in my life. I am plagued with all kinds of negative feelings and thoughts. Currently, my major concern is for my 85 year old Mom. She is very ill right now and is completely bedridden. I am doing everything in my power to help her and am so concerned about her. I don't want to lose her, she is the most important person in my life. I love her dearly.

Well, this thing about feelings is a tricky bit. Can you always trust your feelings? Basically, there are feelings, thoughts and beliefs. Your feelings and thoughts are developed from your belief system. That is the core of the whole thing. If your belief system is screwed up, then your thoughts and feelings will also be messed up. At least that is what they tell me. So, the thing to do is if you are having negative feelings/thoughts, you need to look closely at your belief system. If your belief system is telling you bad things about yourself, then your thoughts and feelings will be bad. And ultimately that will affect your outward behavior towards life situations. Plus, if your belief system is skewed, your view of reality will be skewed. It's all a tricky bit as I said above. The key though, is to challenge your belief system when you are having certain feelings and thoughts.

Well, enough of that for now. I do promise to get some new music reviewed and posted up on this blog. There are so many new things I want to do on this blog, just don't know if I can do them all. I have the time, just don't know if I can do them all myself. I would like to redesign the whole look of this blog and move over to Wordpress but not sure how to exactly do it. I have a whole wish list of things I want to do. I guess it will just take time and hopefully I can get these things done.

So, enough rambling. Look deep inside and challenge that belief system, you will be amazed at what you find there. On to the music:


mp3 A Passing Feeling

Elliott Smith - From A Basement On The Hill


mp3 Feeling Like I Do

Superdrag - Last Call For Vitriol


mp3 Feeling Good

Muse - Origin Of Symmetry


mp3 Feeling Called Love

Pulp - Different Class


mp3 All The Feeling

Ester Drang - Infinite Keys


mp3 Fight The Feeling

Texas - Southside

Moment

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You ever have one of those moments?

The online dictionary defines moment as:

1. an indefinitely short period of time; instant: I'll be with you in a moment.

2. the present time or any other particular time (usually prec. by the): He is busy at the moment.

3. a definite period or stage, as in a course of events; juncture: at this moment in history.

4. importance or consequence: a decision of great moment.

5. a particular time or period of success, excellence, fame, etc.: His big moment came in the final game.

6. Statistics. the mean or expected value of the product formed by multiplying together a set of one or more variates or variables each to a specified power.

7. Philosophy. a. an aspect of a thing.

b. Obsolete. an essential or constituent factor.

8. Mechanics. a. a tendency to produce motion, esp. about an axis.
b. the product of a physical quantity and its directed distance from an axis: moment of area; moment of mass.

#4 above there is the one I am referring to. I've had plenty of those types of moments. The key words are importance or consequence. These types of moments can be so huge that they will either make or brake you. For me, when I have encountered these moments I usually end up in the latter category. Its just the way it is with me. I guess the problem is I am too impulsive. That is, I don't think before I say something. Especially, if it is something that is important. I quickly jump to conclusions (which are usually false) and then spout out a bunch of bullshit. My Dad used to say "keep your mouth shut". He was right. I am slowly learning (after 48 years) that it is better to think something over first before you speak. And that is so hard, especially if it is one of those moments. When it is a decision that is so critical and bears great importance or consequence is the time I fuck it up the best. It's not worth going through all of these moments in my life. But, suffice it to say, I've had a lot of them. And the majority of them were pretty darn big. Real life moments that determine your future and your life. In fact, I am lucky to be alive writing this post today because of one of those moments. And I am unemployed right now because of one of those moments. And I could go on and on.....

The fact is, we need to learn from our mistakes. I know now, after being bitten many times, that when one of those moments come up I need to step back and reflect on it before I say/do anything. And the funny thing about those moments is they are so quick that it takes an extreme effort to pull back and reflect on them. They are so huge and monumental that it is so difficult to not react quickly. But, if you are like me, reacting quickly usually equals a negative consequence. And then all you have left is the memory of that moment and thoughts about what you should have said or done. And lastly, you can never redo those moments. They are gone and are part of the past but equally so, they shape the future. They define who and what you are.


mp3 Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of (Acoustic)

U2 - 7


mp3 The Unguarded Moment

The Church - Of Skins And Heart


mp3 Moments In Time

The Alarm - Raw


mp3 The Moment I Said It

Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself


mp3 Moment Fit To Remind

A Northern Chorus - Spirit Flags


mp3 For A Moment

Dora Flood - Highlands

Sunday Linkage

Well, its been cloudy and raining today here. We need the rain since we have had a dry spell for quite awhile. I guess this is the dry season down here right now. Not much happening on this end. Been considering joining up with Twitter. Not quite sure how it works though. I know you can Twitter via a computer on the internet but what about via the mobile phone? I have a Blackberry phone but the only problem is I don't have the internet package. So, all I can do is make phone calls and SMS text messages. So, the question is, can I Twitter via SMS text messages? Or do I need internet access via the phone? Let me know please, I am somewhat Twittered and confused....

Here are links to some new friends on the blogroll:

Visit Andy over at How Marvellous..., he always has something good posted up! Right now he's got a stellar track from the band The Trees and he has also got a post with a Blondie track (French version) which was never released in the US. Good stuff!


Visit Will over at We All Want Someone To Shout For! He was picked by Break Thru Radio as the Blog Of The Week. Well deserved and congrats go out to Will!


Head over to love shack, baby and visit the tasty Tart who runs the joint. She has wonderful posts and a fantastic taste in music. Plus, she is a Shoegazer, like me! Maybe, if I get twittering I can twitter with the Tart :-)


And some of my favorites:

Make your way over to the awesome Song, By Toad! Matthew runs a tight ship over there with excellent writing and music. Right now he has up a post with his latest Toadcast and Toad Session. This is some incredible stuff, done extremely well and a pleasure to watch/listen to!


Visit Linda over at Speed Of Dark! Linda is a great blogging friend and is always introducing me to new music. Plus, she has some of the best written reviews I have read on the blogosphere. She's got a post up right now about the Swedish band Jeniferever, a new one for me and a good sound too!


Check out my friend David over at Metal Bastard Goes Soft! He's always got some great themed mixes posted up that you just can't miss. The man is a music machine and a nice guy to know!


Stop over at my friend Kevin's blog mp3hugger! Kevin has a wonderful taste in music and while you are over there be sure to check out his new record label - Indiecater Records!


Check out my Florida friend Chris over at Local Vertical! He's got some new tunes in his Weekend Inbox, plus an intro to the wonderful sounding Amanda Zelina!


Visit my friend Chris over at Culture Bully! He runs a wonderful site and it is well stocked with all kinds of good stuff. There are album reviews, concert reviews, interviews, profiles and a whole bunch more to dig into!


Hit up Stytzer over at Hits In The Car! He does a wonderful job over there and will introduce you to some new music coming out of Denmark!


Make sure you visit Marcy over at Lost In Your Inbox! She always posts up good music and wonderful writing. Looking forward to her review on the Gomez concert she went to last Friday!


And of course you got to stop over at FiL's place Pogo A Go-Go! FiL is a wonderful friend and has a fantastic taste in music. So, go over there and pogo along with FiL!


Visit the wonderful Rachel over at Untitled Records! She always has something good posted up and has a wonderful taste in music!


And my friend pplist over at Powerpopulist hasn't updated since last Friday. I hope everything is cool and that pplist will be back soon!


And lastly, this guy has been missing for awhile and I want him back. He is one of my first real blogging friends and I miss him. Please come back my Scottish Brother...


The only bad side to doing a Linkage post is I always end up missing someone... So, check out my blogroll for other good links. And I apologize if I missed you somehow.

Also, I want to dedicate this post to all the wonderful folks who stopped by and so warmly welcomed me back. It is such a good feeling to know that I have people out there who cared about me and were so wonderful in welcoming me back. Thanks all!

Of course, now to the music:


mp3 Fine Friend

Pale Saints - Slow Buildings


mp3 Forever My Friend

Ray LaMontagne - Trouble


mp3 Friend Of Mine

The National - Alligator


mp3 An Honest Friend

Summerbirds In The Cellar - With The Hands Of The Hunter It All Becomes Dead


mp3 My Beautiful Friend

The Charlatans UK - Us And Us Only


mp3 We Be Friends

For Stars - For Stars

Three Words

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She used to say those three words. She would say them at what always seemed to be the right time. And at the time, those words felt right and real. But looking back now, there was always a little bit of hesitation when those words were said. Just enough to make you wonder and doubt. Why at the time did I not see this? And the other thing is, I would ask her to promise things to me. I know now that was a stupid thing to do; childish and insecure. But at that time I needed that. And I know why now. It's because of the hesitation, I sensed it then but just didn't realize it. And all those promises she made, she broke. One after another. Truth was the last thing that she had as a strength. It was all a charade and it didn't really mean anything to her. But to me it was everything. I needed those words, promises and truths. But she just could not deliver them. And so, it went on like that for years. In fact, eleven years and two children later to be exact. What the hell was I thinking? Why did I stay through all of that? Eleven years of broken truths, broken promises, lies and deceit. I lived in a constant world of weakness, insecurity - asking for something I knew deep down inside I could never get. It was something I knew all along but I was blinded by my need to be loved. I needed something that she just could not give. And deep down inside, I knew that she couldn't but I could never bring myself to realize it.

I learned a lot from those eleven years of my life. I have a tatto now (one of many), that is the Chinese character for the word truth. It is beautifully done and it is there to constantly remind me never to make the same mistake again. And I have also learned to not ever again ask for promises. To me now, asking for those is just a sign of weakness and insecurity. With true love, there are no insecurities. There is no need for asking promises. And above all, with true love, truth is always a constant. It is solid and there. You don't have to doubt it because love and truth are bonded together as one.

Its been a long time now since then (eight years to be exact) and I haven't found that thing called true love. The wounds have all healed now and there are only the scars remaining to remind me. In my heart, I believe true love exists but I also believe that it is not easy to come by. That it is a rare thing, to be cherished and honored. Maybe one day it will come into my life but for now all I can do is hold close to the hope. The hope that it really does exist and that it is something that I will one day experience.


mp3 Promise

OMD - Organisation


mp3 Broken Promise

New Order - Brotherhood


mp3 Broken Promises

Seafood - As The Cry Flows


mp3 The Awful Truth Of Loving

Rainer Maria - Long Knives Drawn


mp3 Three Words

Junior Boys - Last Exit


mp3 Words

Doves - The Last Broadcast

Cleaning Up The Inbox/Rambling

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On any given day I will get close to 50 emails related to this blog. The emails come from record labels, promo companies and sometimes directly from various bands. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not complaining here. In fact, I am thankful that they come because I get introduced to what is new out in music land. And that is a good thing. The only problem I do have is the feeling that I am not doing my end of the bargain. Which is, properly reading them and sampling the music that is attached to them. I literally, could spend approximately 5 minutes on each email. So, that would translate to 250 minutes or about 4 hours of my time. And that is just reading the emails and sampling the music. Then there is time needed to put together a proper post about the new music. Now, at this particular time in my current life this should not be a problem. I can spare 4 hours but would that be an efficient use of my time? I'm really not sure. And the other problem is that by the time I get done, 1,000 other blogs have already posted about the new music delivered in the emails. So, I would be redundant and possibly boring to most readers. And that is something I definitely don't want to be. It's a double edge sword type of deal.

Therefore, the only answer to this problem is a compromise. From this point forward, I will allocate approximately 1 hour each day to read through and digest my emails. And then I will put together a weekly (or bi-weekly) post(s) (called On The Radar) of new music from these emails. However, it won't be just a random rush job. This will be new music that moves me in the proper ways and is something good that I think should be shared. In other words, I won't just post anything, it will have to be something that I find to be worthwhile. And the fact is, I may not get through all of my emails but I will try my best to not neglect anything important.

Well, not sure if I made any sense here because I did ramble a little too much. But the fact is I need these emails because I want to be exposed to what is new on the music radar. And as a blogger I want you the reader to also have a chance to be exposed to this new music. That's what it's all about - the music. So, bear with me while I get my act together.... Oh, and BTW, more new Shoegaze sounds coming soon and look for On The Radar starting next week!


mp3 Keep It Clean

Camera Obscura - Underachievers Please Try Harder


mp3 Catch Me Up

Gomez - Split The Difference


mp3 Clean And Tidy

OmR - Superheroes Crash


mp3 Do It Clean

Echo & The Bunnymen - Crocodiles


mp3 Come Clean

Mysteries Of Life - Come Clean


mp3 Burn It Clean

Mudhoney - Superfuzz Bigmuff Plus Early Singles

Memories/Rambling - Cars

The year was 1978 and I was just a punk 18 year old, long hair and listening to Southern Rock down here in Florida (moved to Florida from New Hampshire when I was 17). I had a job and saved up some money. Bought my first car for $1,000. A 1969 Chevy Chevelle Malibu with a stock 307 engine. Prime car, in real excellent shape. I would give up my left nut to just have that car now. But, shite I was only 18 and didn't know better. So, I blew out the 307 engine in a matter of a few months. Saved up some more money and put in a stock 327 engine. Man, that car had balls. 327 engine, 4 barrel carb, slapstick automatic transmission, dual exhaust, mag wheels - it was a smooth ride for sure. And it was fast. I lost my license for a month because I got too many speeding tickets within a six month period. Shite, I even got two speeding tickets in one day. I was a crazy dude in those days. Long hair, surfer and smoked a ton of pot. Life was good though. I did what I wanted to do and didn't have a worry in the world.

Ok, so back to the car.... Well, after losing my license, getting into an accident and then blowing out my 327 engine, I sold the car to a junkyard for $100. What an idiot I was in those days. If only I had taken good care of that car it would be worth a fortune right now. In the late 60's they built those muscle cars tough and strong. I saw one the other day while driving around and it brought back so many memories. This one was perfectly preserved and was a charm to see.

Now I drive a 2003 Chrysler PT Cruiser - GT model with a Turbo engine. Not that bad for a 4 cylinder. I put a single to dual catback exhaust system on the Cruiser and for a 4 banger it runs and sounds ok. Damn, in the past when I was married I even drove a Dodge Minivan. When I think of that now it freaks me out. Me driving a Minivan, ha that is funny for sure...

Well, enough rambling about cars. Here's the music:


mp3 Car

Built To Spill - Normal Years


mp3 Car Wreck

Haley Bonar - The Size Of Planets


mp3 Car Wheels On A Gravel Road

Lucinda Williams - Car Wheels On A Gravel Road


mp3 A Car Can't Get You There

Charmparticles - The Scenic EP


mp3 Death Car

Wheat - Medeiros


mp3 Get In The Car

Echo & The Bunnymen - What Are You Going To Do With Your Life


mp3 Mint Car (Radio Mix)

The Cure - Galore (The Singles 1987 - 1997)

Plans

I know, when the hell is he going to post new music? Well, I got plans and there will be some new stuff soon. I am rushed today because I have a couple of Doctor appointments to go to. Still not feeling very well. Every day is a struggle. But thank God for this blog to keep me busy and for all my blogging friends! The new stuff will be coming up this week - some new Shoegaze sounds, stuff from the email inbox and a post about a new record label that a blogger friend of mine has started. So, bear with me while I get my act together. And please visit me at my MySpace and Last.fm (links on the left sidebar). Leave a message, you are the only friends I got and I appreciate you!

So, here is a little mix for the ears. More to come soon. Peace!

mp3 A Plan

Legendary Crystal Chandelier - Beyond Indifference


mp3 Plan A

The Dandy Warhols - Welcome To The Monkey House


mp3 Plan B

Dexy's Midnight Runners - Rare Hit of the 80's


mp3 Plan Of The Man

The M's - Future Women


mp3 Plans

Bloc Party - Silent Alarm

23,781 Songs, 66.1 Days, 120.65 GB

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Ok, so WTF! My iTunes is loaded, my external hard drive is almost all full - where the heck am I gonna put all my new music. Guess I need to invest in another external hard drive. I noticed that the prices are pretty cheap and you can get massive storage - Terabytes even. Ha, Terabytes, that was unheard of a few years ago, now it's possible. A Terabyte (TB) equals a trillion bytes or 1000 Gigabytes (GB). I think I saw the other day an external hard disk that was 1 TB for under $100. Shite, that is what I need. The external hard drive I have now is only 160 GB and I once thought that was massive. Incredible, the pace that new technology takes. My laptop that I bought in 2005 is so obsolete now it is pitiful. I need to upgrade to a new computer too but don't have the bucks to do it. You buy something new in the computer world and six months later it is obsolete. Crazy stuff....

Well, some new stuff coming up especially in the Shoegaze arena. For now here is what iTunes coughs up when I click on the old Party Shuffle feature.


What's a dollar a day worth today? Won't even buy you a cup of coffee...

mp3 Dollar A Day

Ass Ponys - Lohio


This is appropriate since it's raining like all get out here right now...

mp3 Storm Coming

Polak - Swansongs


Yeah, I wish I lived in a different city instead of Melboring Florida...

mp3 A Different City

Modest Mouse - The Moon And Antartica


Something I hate to be stuck in...

mp3 In The Waiting Line

Zero 7 - Simple Things


Well, Should I? I hate that word should...

mp3 Should I.

Kaito - Band Red


This is how I feel most of the time...

mp3 Living Dead

Singapore Sling - Life Is Killing My Rock'n'Roll


Yeah, I got the blues but they ain't related to a Hyacinth...

mp3 Hyacinth Blues

The Constantines - The Constantines

Spring Mix

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It's spring time, I think? Can't really tell down here in Florida. It's been in the high 70's, low 80's for weeks now. Florida doesn't really have much in the way of season change. It gets cold once in awhile but it is usually pretty hot and muggy most of the year. I remember growing up in New Hampshire. Now, there was some real seasons. My favorite season up there was fall when the leaves changed colors. So beautiful! I don't miss the snow though. The winters up there were pure hell. But the skiing was nice during the winter. All in all, I have some good memories of growing up there. Summers were short but sweet. Spring up there was nice also - the snow melting, temps warming up, flowers starting to bloom. Ah, decent memories.

Well, I am just rambling on here. Been searching for some new sounds to post about. I am so friggin out of touch with what is new. Still stuck back in 2007. Plus, since my blog was inactive for a long time, I stopped getting all those good new release promo's from various record labels. I miss those packages that would come daily in the mail. Got a lot of stuff in the email box. Last time I looked I had 456 unread messages. Shite!!! I need to weed through those and see if there are any goodies hidden there. I will get up to speed quick enough.

Bought the new U2 album today at Wal-Mart. If you don't know already, U2 is my #1 favorite band of all time. I am a U2 junkie even in spite of Bono wearing eyeliner... Haven't listened to it yet. Ripped it up on the ole iTunes, so will probably check it out later today. Heard one track - Magnificent and thought it was pretty solid. Seemed at first listen to evoke some of the old, early U2. Maybe around Unforgettable Fire time. I guess my favorite U2 is The Joshua Tree. I like the early stuff the best too. October has that echoing sound and is a good early one to listen to. Ah, they are all good except for maybe Pop. That one I didn't really get into very much. Well, more on this subject later.

I'll stop rambling now and let the music do the talking...... Peace!


mp3 The Coming Of Spring

The Rapture - Echoes


mp3 First Light Of Spring

Luka Bloom - Innocence


mp3 Magical Spring

Ride - Carnival Of Light


mp3 The Price Of Spring

Matt Pond PA - Measure


mp3 Rites Of Spring

The Bravery - The Bravery


mp3 Spring Rain

The Go-Betweens - Live In London (Barbican 27th June 2004)


mp3 Brand New Spring

Mary Lorson And Saint Low - Realistic

Forgiveness - Purging The Demons

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Another difficult topic for me to talk about but I need to do it. I need to purge the demons in my life. I hope this post doesn't turn anyone off but I feel it is necessary. I am not an overly religious person but do believe there is a God and that we are all here for a purpose. And I do read the Bible now and then (I know, Merz the Shoegaze Fetish man reading the Bible is a scary thought... :-) Well, anyways what the good book says is that to be forgiven we must also forgive. A verse goes something like this: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11:25 NIV).

There are three individuals that I need to forgive. These are three people that I had worked under during my career as a Design Engineer. Now, there is a lot of things I did wrong in these relationships and I have asked for forgivenesss but these three guys really treated me like shite. They treated me unkindly, with no respect whatsoever and they played political back-stabbing games with my career. In fact, they ruined my career and sent me into a tailspin of low self esteem and severe depression. Yeah, I should have been stronger and not let them do this to me but the fact is they did do it to me and I did let it affect me. Their behavior plays a large part in my whole breakdown during the past few years.

So, without naming names, I forgive these three individuals for what they did to me. And I purge them out of my life, they no longer will affect me. This is my personal testimony.

Ok, so now that is done, I promise no more religious posts (ok maybe one or two now and then :-)). What's needed now is the music to seal the heal. On to the rock and roll!!!

mp3 Jesus Forgive Me (For The Things I'm About To Say)

Concrete Blonde - Mexican Moon


mp3 Forgiven

Echo & The Bunnymen - Evergreen


mp3 Forgiveness

The Frank & Walters - Glass


mp3 Forgive

Ida - Heart Like A River


mp3 All Is Forgiven

Jellyfish - Spilt Milk


mp3 Forgive The Forgiven

White Whale - WWI

Starting Over

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Well, it has been awhile that is for sure. Almost forgot how to run this thing....
Don't want to clutter this space with my personal crap but suffice it to say I am lucky to be alive. Suicide attempts are not pleasant things to talk about. Unfortunately, I am still suffering from severe depression, among other things and struggle to make it through each day.

Well, enough about that already. This is supposed to be about the music. And I must admit I am on a huge learning curve since I stopped listening to music in July of 2007. So, I've got a lot of catching up to do. So, forgive me if I am slow to come up to speed. The fact of the matter is -- music is something I used to love and I want to get that love back. I need something positive in my life too.

Thanks to all of you who left comments, thought about me and remembered Mars Needs Guitars. I really appreciate the cyber friendship. In fact, you are the only friends I have, my only connection to the outside world. And I want that back too. I am sorry for being so elusive and for just dropping out without any notice. But the fact is I dropped out of everything related to this thing called life. I am still very ill but maybe this will help take my mind off of things for a little bit. Baby steps, baby steps back into life.

So, here is some music and yeah it may be stale but it still is good. I love you all and let's move forward from here. The past haunts me so I can't talk about it anymore than what I have just done. The future scares me and I can't talk about that either. So, that just leaves today -- one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Baby steps again. Thanks for tuning in and expect to see regular posting and maybe one day a shiny new Mars Needs Guitars. For now, I will plug on with Blogger and do the bit I know. Peace all and thanks again for the friendship!



mp3 Start

The New Year - The End Is Near


mp3 Your Time Starts Now

Cinerama - Disco Volante


mp3 Starting A New Life

Van Morrison - Tupelo Honey


mp3 The Start Of Something

Voxtrot - Raised By Wolves EP


mp3 Start Again

The Electric Soft Parade - Holes In The Wall


mp3 Right Back Where I Started From

The Alarm - In The Poppy Fields

Crazy

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"I made enough money to buy a house. That's crazy, but fame proved ephemeral." - Moon Unit Zappa

"They'll probably make it unpatriotic to be Democrat. It's pretty crazy." - Neil Young

"I stone got crazy when I saw somebody run down them strings with a bottleneck. My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and I said that I had to learn." - Muddy Waters

"We're all crazy and the only difference between patients and their therapists is the therapists haven't been caught yet." - Max Walker

"When Jesus comes back, these crazy, greedy, capitalistic men are gonna kill him again." - Mike Tyson

"If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up." - Hunter S. Thompson

"Like, the kind of arrogance that some of the policy makers and world leaders are carrying with them right now is, I think, reflective of the very worst of the United States. It's that teenage arrogance, as a young country, the know-it-all kind of thing. That makes me crazy." - Michael Stipe

"What will I be doing in twenty years' time? I'll be dead, darling! Are you crazy?" - Freddie Mercury

"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." - Charles Manson

"Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy." - Sigmund Freud

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?" - Albert Einstein

"My son don't have to say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud. He don't have to be called those crazy names." - James Brown


mp3 Let's Go Crazy

Prince And The Revolution - Music from the Motion Picture "Purple Rain"


mp3 Crazy Beat

Blur - Think Tank


mp3 Went Crazy

The Teardrop Explodes - Kilimanjaro/Wilder


mp3 Wild And Crazy

Division Of Laura Lee - Black City


mp3 Crazy About You

Whiskeytown - Pneumonia


mp3 Crazy (Studio Version)

Her Space Holiday - Audio Astronomy


mp3 Crazy

The Afghan Whigs - 1965


mp3 Still Crazy

The Exploding Hearts - Guitar Romantic

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It's All About Getting In Tune

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"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune." - Woody Allen

"If you play a tune and a person don't tap their feet, don't play the tune." - Count Basie

"For a person as obsessed with music as I am, I always hear a song in the back of my head, all the time, and that usually is my own tune. I've done that all my life." - Bjork

"It is a wise tune that knows its own father, and I like my music to be the legitimate offspring of respectable parents." - Samuel Butler

"I think you can have the greatest lyrics in the world and if it doesn't have the best tune in the world it will suck. I mean if the music wasn't important it would just be a poem." - Julian Cope

"You can't teach the old maestro a new tune." - Jack Kerouac

"The audiences are there as a result of my history with the band but also as a result of my being able to reach people with a tune." - Bruce Springsteen

"Once in a while and really the exception, will be when I have an idea, then I'll write a poem first and then write a tune to the poem." - Roger McGuinn


mp3 Getting In Tune

The Who - Who's Next


mp3 Dream Wanderer's Tune

Deerhoof - Milk Man


mp3 Her Melancholy Tune

Superdrag - Last Call For Vitriol


mp3 I Could Never Tune

The Subjects - With the Ease Grace Precision and Cleverness of Human Beings


mp3 Intro And Theme Tune

Six. By Seven - Club Sandwich At The Peveril Hotel


mp3 Pavement Tune

The Frames - Set List


mp3 Sugartune

Sloan - Smeared


mp3 Stay Tuned

Ambulance Ltd - Ambulance LTD

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Summertime Mix - Part II

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mp3 Summer

The Church - Forget Yourself


mp3 Summer Chill

Chapterhouse - Mesmerise


mp3 Summer Here Kids

Grandaddy - Under the Western Freeway


mp3 Summer

Mogwai - Ten Rapid (Collected Recordings 1996-1997)


mp3 Summer In The City

Vietnam - Vietnam


mp3 Summer Loop

Folksongs For The Afterlife - Put Danger Back in Your Life


mp3 Summer Skin

Death Cab For Cutie - Plans


mp3 Summer

Wheat - Medeiros

_________________________________________________________________

Summertime Mix - Part I

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Sorry about the lack of posting lately, the Black Dog has been seriously on my ass and I have been under. I woke up the other day and realized it was summer, wtf... My whole life is passing me by and I sometimes wonder why I am even still alive.
There is no need though for you to miss out on some summer tunes. Just a word of advice, don't ever ever take the good things you have (a job, a significant other, money, a nice place to live) for granted. It is when you reach the lowest of lows as I have, that you realize how lucky you are to have had those things and you pray everyday that you can once again have them. Words of wisdom from a down and out, depressed loser..


mp3 Endless Summer

Follow The Train - Breath of Sigh


mp3 Feel Good Hit Of The Summer

Queens Of The Stone Age - Rated R


mp3 Gold In The Air Of Summer

Kings Of Convenience - Riot on an Empty Street


mp3 It's Summertime

The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots


mp3 Lone Summer Dream

The Soundtrack Of Our Lives - Origin, Vol. 1


mp3 Skills Of Summer

Wire Train - Last Perfect Thing: A Retrospective


mp3 Summer Gold

The Eaves - The Eaves


mp3 Summertime Blues

T. Rex - Electric Warrior Sessions

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Untitled Records

The always lovely Rachel from the Untitled blog has moved to a new blog with a new domain name. The new blog is called Untitled Records and is looking awesome to say the least. Rachel is one of my most favorite bloggers and is one of the nicest, friendliest bloggers you will ever meet. She also has excellent taste in music. So, update your bookmarks and visit Rachel at her new site and leave a comment congratulating her on the new digs.


mp3 Untitled

Blonde Redhead - Melody Of Certain Damaged Lemons


mp3 Untitled

Six. By Seven - 04


mp3 Untitled

Charlene - Charlene


mp3 Untitled

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea


mp3 Untitled

The Cure - Disintegration


mp3 Untitled

Superchunk - Cup of Sand


mp3 Untitled

Interpol - Turn On the Bright Lights


mp3 Untitled

Salim Nourallah - Polaroid

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Anger

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According to Live Science, Anger Fuels Better Decisions.

"Despite its reputation as an impetus to rash behavior, anger actually seems to help people make better choices—even aiding those who are usually very poor at thinking rationally. This could be because angry people base their decisions on the cues that "really matter" rather than things that can be called irrelevant or a distraction."

"Previous research has shown that anger biases people’s thinking—turning them into bigger risk-takers and making them less trusting and more prejudiced, for instance."

"In both studies, the researchers found that the angry subjects were better at discriminating between strong and weak arguments and were more convinced by the stronger arguments. Those who were not made to feel angry tended to be equally convinced by both arguments, indicating that they were not as analytical in their assessments."

Read the full article here.

What the hell? I guess all that money spent on self help books and countless clinics/seminars was just all a waste. Forget about toning down that anger, instead ratchet it up and start making better decisions. Jeebus.....


mp3 Anger

The Czars - The Ugly People Vs. the Beautiful People


mp3 Never In Anger

Rainer Maria - Past Worn Searching


mp3 A Little Anger

Sleet - Volume Drops


mp3 Don't Be Afraid Of Your Anger

Clem Snide - The Ghost of Fashion


mp3 Don't Look Back In Anger

Oasis - (What's The Story) Morning Glory?


mp3 Angryman

Band Of Bees - Sunshine Hit Me


mp3 This Angry Silence

Television Personalities - And Don't the Kids Just Love It

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Oblivion Mix

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